a list of thingy thing things

Happy December. December is finals. December is buying presents for my massive extended family. December is December is busy. No time to write. Here are some things.

• I only really like to wear black socks. I like the way they look on my feet. I realized this preference recently, and I put "black cotton ankle socks" on my Christmas list because I have a thrilling life.
• I have decided that I would love Doctor who...if it weren't Doctor who. Like if it was just "The Doctor and his companion are awesome all the time and frequently have hot sex," it would be my favorite show. Because I'm an idiot. No but really, I do like it. I'm just always a little hesitant towards science fiction-y stuff.
• Oh my god Matt Smith. Unnngggghh. I want.
• And he is such a stylish creature as well! I would wear pretty much his entire wardrobe. Same goes for Karen Gillan, who is also beautiful but who I am less interested in fucking inside the TARDIS.
• I bought new contact solution today. It was overpriced.
• My family is going to get out Christmas tree tomorrow morning, which is always an interesting experience. 
• I am sleepy.
• I'm going to get up early to get some work done before we go get the tree, and when I do that, I'm going to go get a coffee at my favorite place. I am already excited about that coffee, and drinking it on the ride back to my house, alone in my mom's car with Christmas music blasting and the seatwarmers turned on. Glorious.

Welp, goodnight.

listfully yours,
xoxo tess

a list on Tuesday

So I've been watching Doctor Who. I honestly can't quite decide whether or not I like it, though I am definitely very engaged in it. However, I can be certain about my feelings for Matt Smith. Which is to say, I am possessed with love for him. Anyway, I just wanted to put this here. That's all.

• I've been making a collage in Paint of what I want for Christmas and my birthday, and let me just tell you, it has been an all consuming project. Because I am not materialistic, but I am very productive. Yeah.
• I only have one class tomorrow and it's from 9-9:50 so by 10:05 I should be in my car on my way to get a Peppermint White Mocha and set this holiday season off right. YEAH.
• And then I going to go to the gym. And then to meet Alyssa for Christmas shopping/European adventure planning/Gryffindor scarf knitting. So that'll be good. YEAH. ( I don't know, apparently I'm ending every item on the list that way...)
• My mother hates Thanksgiving and thinks that it is just a waste of a day thrown in to make her already hectic life more stressful right in the midst of getting ready for Christmas. I'm sure that has more than a little, subconsciously, to do with me loving it so much.
• A girl in my Intro to Soc. class today asked our professor, in complete and total earnest, how a person applies to become the Queen of England. FOR REAL. Cue a ten minute discussion on the Royal Family and how monarchies work. I am absolutely amazed that my pen did not puncture my temple and kill me right there, because I was certainly putting some pressure on it as I sat there having an allergic reaction to the stupidity and writhing with sarcastic comments that I knew there was no point in making. See people, DO YOU SEE? I spend all day putting up with this kind of bullshit and people wonder why I am such an unpleasant little snark all the time.
• I went to bed at 10o'clock last night, which is freakishly early for me, the girl who rarely falls asleep before the birds are chirping their good mornings outside her window. And then I slept for ten hours and woke up feeling groggy as fuck, so screw that. I think that I probably had a sleep hangover because my body is used to running on such a minimal amount of rest, and the way to remedy that problem would be to develop a more healthy sleep schedule and nurse my poor body back to a state where it can compute and make use of a reasonable night's sleep, but it's not my fault that I'm just a way more productive, creative, purposeful human being between the hours of 11pm and 4am or so.
• I have nothing important to say, and there are a lot of boots for me to examine on River Island so I'm gonna call it a day here in the blogosphere. PEACE, HOMIEZ.

listfully yours,
xo tess

a list of insomniatic thoughts

I can't sleep and I've gotten myself into a bit of a blogging kick this weekend, which is typical of me, to post 4 blogs in one weekend when it is likely I won't post again now for a month, so here is a LIST.

• I want to marry Matt Lewis. I've always thought he made a sensational Neville, but who knew he would also grow up to be so hot? I am so incredibly excited to see him handle Neville's big moments in the next second part of the film, I think he's going to do it really, really well. Going into part one Thursday night I had been a little sad at the prospect of not getting any Neville, and so I was very happy that they added the scene on the train. "Hey losers, he's not in here." Fantastic. I have to say that I was really pleased with that.
• This semester of school has, admittedly, been pretty smooth sailing for me, but I am now starting to feel some real pressure and I'm not loving it. I am very much looking forward to a little break next week for Turkey Day.
• I think I may put my NaNoWriMo novel to rest. I'm nowhere near the 50,000 (33k or so the last time I checked. Oops)word mark and I definitely am not going to hit it by November 30th, so it seems like as good a time as any to take a little break before the frustration overwhelms me. I actually really like my story so I don't want to try and force myself to finish in time for NaNoWriMo because I know myself and I know that I'll end up getting annoyed and hitting a brick wall of suck.
• If someone ever options my blog into a film I'd like to be portrayed by Anne Hathaway.
• My high school gym teacher Facebook chatted me the other day. Yep.
• All he said was, "nice photo." I am not kidding.
• I am going to be 19 in just over a month and I am still afraid of eyelash curlers.
• I also still sleep on my Harry Potter sheets sometimes.
• I did, sad but true story time kiddies, drunkenly vomit in my bed while I had those sheets on it once over the summer though, so I guess I've grown a bit, ay?
• This blog is going nowhere.
• I have recently discovered (and become entirely obsessed with) a new youtuber. She is awesome and you should go subscribe right now, but that is not my reason for mentioning her here. Tonight while catching up on her past videos I happened across one in which she mentioned that "Accio Love" by Minstry of Magic is her favorite wizard rock song...
• which led to me watching videos like THIS
• THIS
• and THIS
•  So now I've officially overdosed on cuteness and feel like an even creepier fan-girl than usual. Thanks a lot, Hannah.
• On the note of wizard rock/ministry of magic, I had to come to terms with what a true and complete nerd I am yesterday when I saw that "Bravest Man I Ever Knew" is the fourth most listened to song on my itunes. What am I?
• Wanna see the wrapping paper I convinced my mother to buy at Target today? Do you? Ok, ok, calm down, I will show you. (I am literally going to go downstairs now and take a photo of the paper. Hang on.)

                                                          HAPPY OWL-IDAYS! 

OWLS! PINK OWLS! IN GREEN AND BLUE HATS! ON CHRISTMAS PAPER! I am having a really hard time coming up with anything that could be better than this.

on that note, I think perhaps I will give my NaNoWriMo novel a little attention...mostly because that will probably make it a lot easier for me to fall asleep since I will do anything to avoid being productive!

listfully yours,
xo tess

a list of films I want to see

I hope everyone had a glorious Sunday. I did not.
These are movies that I am interested in seeing because I need the cinema as an escape from my terrible existence. Or not. But I do really want to see the following films.

•  Love and Other Drugs. Annie! Jake! A TragiDramaRomCom. Yes. Yes. Give it to me. These two with their puppy-dog eyes, their unfailingly affable charm, and their wholesome good looks, are a match made in Hollywood romance heaven. I'm sure I'll be drooling.
• The King's Speech. Colin Firth, my angel. I'm thrilled beyond words that he has been having such a great stretch recently, what with his fantastic turn in the breathtaking A Single Man last year, and now with lots of Oscar Buzz for The King's Speech. Anyone who knows me knows I'm a sucker for a good period piece, with Colin and Helena Bonham Carter in the starring roles it's difficult to imagine that I won't like this film.
• Tangled. I don't miss an animated Disney movie. Ever.
• Blue Valentine. If you're not interested in seeing this gritty indie romance starring Michelle Williams and Ryan Gosling you may as well just turn your hipster card in right now. But fo'realz, this looks really good.
• Burlesque. Cher! Christina! Stanley Tucci! JAZZ! Everything about this has my little secretly-sequined heart fluttering.
• The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader. I was always a very literary-minded child, but I could never get through an entire Narnia book. They bored me. The films, however, are frothy fun. They have a very Christmasy feeling to me, and they're never exactly good, but they are overwhelmingly pleasant to watch. Plus, the boy who plays Edmund has grown up to be FIIIINE.
• I Love You Phillip Morris. Um, Jim Carrey and Ewan McGregor as star-crossed lovers? Where do I sign up?
• Black Swan. I am a girl who was more or less thrown out of her dance school at age eleven because she was termed a hopeless klutz but who will swallow whole any film about ballet. Especially one that stars the otherworldly flawless Natalie Portman.
• The Green Hornet. SETH ROGEN AS A SUPER HERO, GIMME GIMME GIMME.
• From Prada to Nada. Jane Austen's Sense and Sensibility gets a modern day Los Angeles treatment with the girl from Spy Kids as the Marianne Dashwood (I guess.) I will see this because I am a glutton for punishment, I make a point of seeing any film that claims any connection to Austen, and then I lose my mind complaining over it.
• How Do I Know. I don't expect this romantic-comedy to be anything more than mediocre, but Paul Rudd and Reese Witherspoon both have enough inherent likability to pull me into the theater on their own, so together they have a pull of adorableness that I am powerless to resist.
• Never Let Me Go. This film has been out for awhile now but I haven't had a chance to get to it yet, which is a shame because I enjoy fangirling over all three of it's beautiful British leads (Keira Knightley, Andrew Garfield, and Carey Mulligan.)
• 127 Hours. Because James Franco is going to cut his arm off in this movie. To pretend you want to see this for anything other than arm cutting scene would be the biggest load of pretentious bullshit I've ever heard*

Listfully yours,
xo tess

PS: Jill Scribbles is having a contest to give away one ARC (advanced reader's copy) of Megan McCafferty's (author of the completely fantastic Jessica Darling series) upcoming novel Bumped, and as much as I want to keep the contest a secret so that my chances of winning will be greater...it also seems wrong not to share this opportunity with any fellow Megan fans out there. You have until tomorrow to enter, follow the above link for more details!

*also, man oh man do I wanna bone James Franco. Ay papi.

a list of little things I love

• acoustic covers of hip hop songs.
• the feeling of cold air hitting hot, wet lips after kissing outside.
• when you put some sort of extra effort into your appearance and somebody, anybody, notices and makes a point of saying so.
• weird youtubers who I can imagine myself being friends with and doing weird things with. "doing weird things with" that sounds creepier/pervier than what I actually intended. I just mean that, I am a weird girl, and I do strange things to amuse myself, and that certain youtubers seem like they would be amused my similarly strange things. I don't lnow.
• people who laugh when I make that's what she said jokes.
• evening naps.
• bizarre tumblr memes.
• the rare and glorious occasions where one can procure some cotton candy.
• shoes that don't make my feet look monstrously long.
• owl jewelry like this and this. (both of which are a part of my creepy-owl-lady collection)
• meeting people who are at least just as weird as I am.
• the way my Van lo-pros fit my feet just perfectly.
• when you don't need to say it, because they know.
• anytime I have the option of choosing for something to be green.
• going out to breakfast.
• aimless vlogs.
• smoldering eye-contact, but also sweetly awkward, affectionate eye contact.
• when my hair dries in nice curls rather than a wild mane of craziness.
• free samples.
• moments of stillness.
• the Starbucks holiday cups.
• friendship bracelets.
• book smell.
• impromptu dancing.
• ankle boots.
• new nail polish.
• natural highlights.
• films intended for children.
• people who give up their seat on the train/bus to someone more deserving.
• the quiet anonymity of public transportation.
• my hot pink body pillow.
• people who will talk to me in the dark until I fall asleep.
• any opportunity for a that's what she said joke.
• being alone in a public restroom.
  
• getting to the coffee cart at school at JUST the right time so that I get a newly brewed cup of the toxic sludge they serve there, which although still vile is infinitely better than the lukewarm sludge I force down otherwise.
• the fact that I am on a first name basis with every single employee at the local 7-11.
• sweater weather.
• photographs that capture genuine laughter.
• friends who still like me despite my soft spot for rape jokes.
• fleece blankets.
• McDonalds vanilla ice-cream cones.
• artificially colored carnations.
• moments of serendipitous beauty.
• freshly sharpened pencils.
  

a list detailing what I've been doing when I was not blogging

 Well, 'ello there mates.
It would be rather presumptuous of me to think that anybody has been sitting around wondering why I haven't posted in a couple months, and so I will skip straight over explanations and just give you a run down of things that I have been doing instead of blogging.

• first of all I have been here because I've been HERE, where I fangirl over the likes of Andy Samberg and Anne Hathaway, spew Angela Chase-level angst, and post pictures of my cat.
• obsessing over Top Chef Just Desserts.
• buying the five-dollar tights from Target in absolutely every color under the rainbow.
• listening to Florence and the Machine's wonderful album "Lungs" on repeat.
• learning algebra! Seriously, we are doing the same sort of junk in the class that I broke out in hives trying to comprehend back in high school, but all of a sudden I understand it. It's the strangest thing. I've tossed it up to the fact that I have more success with male teachers, particularly adorable ones like the guy who teaches my algebra class. And I'm getting an A.
• so much napping
• knitting. I knit myself (well sort of. My aunt did most of it, but I'm improving) a Ravenclaw scarf, and I'm working on another purple-y looking scarf now.
• ravaging my own bangs with children's scissors.
• skyping for hours and hours with friends that are too far away.
• tossing the British spelling of words in my papers for school occasionally just 'cause.
• rereading all of the Harry Potter books again this fall in preparation for the film. I often reread all or part of the series before a new film release, and it's usually a very bad idea because then I remember and go crazy over every little detail that they leave out of the movie, but I also like to have a very clear view of the storyline in my head before going into the movies because I do find that they can sometimes really botch up the plot.*
• buying a lot of babydoll dresses, cardigans, textured tights, beanies, boots. I've developed a uniform.
• so much youtube.
• making da MONIE$.
• and spending it all on nail polish and overpriced lattes.
• wearing tight black jeans and working my sneer of sophisticated indifference.
• aka smoking on the steps of my school with too-deep-for-school Creative Writing/Theatre kids.
• having staring contests with my cat.
• waiting for someone to call and A&E over the state of my bedroom and get me on an episode of Hoarders.

*Long story short, I loved Deathly Hallows part one. I thought it was brilliantly done. I have a lot to say about it though, so I think I will save that for some point in the near future when I have more time to say everything I want to, but I would like to quickly address the fact that Jason Isaacs is incredibly sexy all of the time, as any character, and that even his Azkaban-chic Luscious Lucius Malfoy had me drooling. It goes to show what a creep I am that he and Alan Rickman are the Potter actors who I find the most attractive. (I do love Matt Lewis, though)

listfully yours
xo tess

not a list

Hi friends. I do not have the time or will to blog right now but I just wanted to check in and say HELLO PEOPLE, I HAVE NOT FORGOTTEN MY COMMITMENT... I am just ignorning it. Wah. But I promise to blog soon. maybe a few catch up posts but I won't make any promises because I will probably break them.


I hope everything is going dandy for you. Squeezes.

listfully yours.
xo tess.

a list of things I want to buy with my Crack money

I got my first pay check from the Cracker Barrel so all day my mind has been swimming in ideas about how to spend every single cent. I do have school to cover (but financial aid is taking care of that for the time being,) the get-a-car fund to contribute to, and my eye on purchasing a macbook by next semester BUT in the mean time here's some smaller things I want to drop my dolllllla$ on.

• a new pair of Chucks will be in order.

• and I will also buy these Vans.
• and while I was looking up the links to those shoes I saw this bag and remembered that every time I walk past/go into Journeys at the mall I say I am going to get it. And now I might actually.  
• a body pillow cover. I have this big furry pink body pillow that makes me sweaty at night and leaves pink fuzz on my quilt and basically causes me nothing but angst, and yet for some reason I'd feel quilty not using it (I don't know, I'm crazy) so a cover seems like the solution.
• half of H&M. They did really well with their line for fall this year, I took a quick walk through yesterday and if it were possible I probably would have left with two of everything.
• A BLACKBERRY! FINALLY! My track record with phones suggests that maybe this isn't the smartest investment but I don't care, I want it so badly. Within the next few weeks, by back to school at least, I will have myself one of these babies. And it will be glorious.
• a new totes sensible messenger bag for school, where I am going to be a totes dedicated student. :)
• theeeesseee darling slouchy ankle boots. I shouldn't do it, but I probably will.
• TICKETS TO SEE GAGA IN BOSTON ON MARCH 8TH!!!! I can't believe I haven't mentioned this yet since my excitement for this event already occupies about a third of my daily thoughts, but Katie and I have officially decided we are going to Lady Gaga, no ifs ands or buts about it. These tickets are going to run me something between $100-200 but I couldn't care less. It will be so worth it. Agggghhhhhhh.
• a Sephora spree. Yes. This will happen. I don't even care.
• a really cute portable coffee mug. The amount of time I spend thinking about how much I need one of these is tragic.
• so many Mod Cloth dresses. I want to own this entire site.
• Ohmygod, especially this one.
• train tickets for the many New York trips I plan on going on this year. Next up is the Broadway Cares/Equity Fights AIDS Flea Market on September 26th. Can't freaking wait.
• All of the books on my newly complete "To Be Read By the End of '10" list. Which maybe I will share with this blog.

Now that I've shown you all what a materialistic bitch I am, I think I'll just call it a night.

listfully yours.
xo tess

a list about being a slacker

Okay, okay, I missed two days of BEDA. I'd love to have some sort of dramatic explanation as to what has been going on in my life for the past two days that kept me from blogging but honestly, I've just been having a hectic week, and that combined with some annoyances on the personal front and just a general state of emotional dissaray left me way too tired and lazy to blog by the time I finally got the chance to sit down and do so. And I am sorry. Not so much because I think anyone was particularly disappointed not to see posts from me (I'm not quite the conceited) but because I committed to blogging every single day this month and keeping my committments is not a strong suit of mine, so I really need to focus on doing better, even with smaller, less important ones like this. Here is what's up in my world right now:

• I got new glasses. They're a wider frame than I'm used to, almost too wide (it's a bit bold for me) but they're also purple and pretty and once we get used to each other I think I'll really like them.
• I remembered that I love The Postal Service and that Ben Gibbard is on my list of all time favorite people.
• My (very little) friend and I consumed an entire handle of Bacardi Dragon Berry in her bedroom on Sunday night and then we danced and cried and watched the video to Eminem's "Love the Way you Lie" on repeat and I made inappropriate phones calls and cut my bangs.
• I worked a lot.
• Also I bought six new Essie nail polishes. (my nail polish store is closing so they were half off.)
• I'm going for a walk with Alyssa tonight to catch up on life.
• And that walk is supposed to commence in 10 minutes.
• And I am still in my work clothes.
• So I have to go.
• Peace out, lovely friends.

 To make up for the brevity of this post I offer this as a token of my affections. *

.listfully yours.
xo tess

* I should do this for every post since nekked A-Skars is entirely more satisfying than anything I could write.

a list of things i regret

I am going to post this today (Wednesday 8/18) and pretend it went up yesterday. Deal with it.

• That time a few years ago when I thought that one song ("Omigod You Guys") was kinda cute and I was in a spend-y sort of mood so I downloaded the entire Legally Blonde Original Cast Recording. Big waste of 15-or-something-in-that-ballpark-dollars, and an even bigger assault on my eardrums the few times I attempted to give it a chance. Aside from the couple quippy, catchy, cutesy numbers, it is very, very bad.
• Never really applying myself fully to anything, ever.
• Not going on more of a shopping spree at Topshop when I was in London. The one time I show any sign of self control and it's when I really should have been throwing fiscal conservativeness to the wind in favor of dropping major dough on a whole new wardrobe of adorable clothing.
• The overly-layered hair cut I got last winter that I am still grappling with in order to try and make my head presentable.
• Thinking for my entire life that just because I love to read and write I wanted to be an English major. (It turns out I really, really don't.)
• Having the tendency to put up a shell and become too shy and too quiet and too nervous and too afraid and not friendly enough. I regret this every day in a million different ways and with special reverence towards millions of different instances.
• Specifically, being afraid.
• Not getting to the city to see Lauren Graham in Guys and Dolls before it closed. I really wanted to get to that one.
• All the time I have wasted being paralyzed by self hate.
• I don't particurlarly regret any of what I did last year, even the things I am certainly not proud of, but I chock it all up to life experience. I only regret that the motivating factor for most of my most outrageous behaviors and decisions was the sadness inside of me and the desperation to pretend that sadness wasn't there.
• Spending 12 dollars on those purple jeans from Forever 21 that I have never worn, and will never wear.
• Choosing to be alone when maybe I would have been happier and better off if I had accepted a companion. Not that I don't love my independence and spending time on my own because I truly do.

listfully yours.
xo tess

a list of good things and bad things

Good stuff and Bad stuff! Ready? OKAY!

• A good thing about  my job: I spent the better part of an hour this evening helping an absolutely lovely eleven year old girl pick out the a Halloween costume. We settled on the one that we both loved for it's similarity to a dress Danielle wears in Ever After. She made the reference even before I did. Smart kid, and she looked precious as hell in her lady-of-the-court finery.
• A bad thing about my job: I walked out the door tonight humming a TOBY KEITH SONG. What? I had to blast The Blueprint the entire way home to just to cleanse my musical palate and try and preserve what is left of my street cred.  JOV heals all.*
•  A good thing about my eating today: I had a bacon at breakfast AND an ice cream sandwich just now for a post seven hours at the Cracker Barrel pick me up.
• A bad thing about my eating today: I had bacon at breakfast AND an ice cream sandwich just now for a post seven hours at the Cracker Barrel pick me up.
  A good thing about going to Providence last night: I got to see my friend Katie who I lovelovelovelovelove and who I desperately miss when we're forced to be separated by silly things like living 3 hours away from each other. And we had a lot of fun.
• A bad thing about going to Providence last night: We were only together for one night, and while it was really great, I just miss her even more now and am more or less counting the seconds until we can hang out again.  I feel like the friends I am away from are always the ones  I need and want to be around the most. That's probably just me being difficult, but I do notice that.
• A good thing about the fact that I now have 2 jobs: I am going to be making BANK.
• A bad thing about the fact that I now have 2 jobs: I have no time for a life that involves anything other than pleasin' people at the crack or washing test tubes at HCC. Also the fact that I have to be at one job from 8 am to eleven tomorrow...and then be straight to the next one for noon. Bleh.
• A good thing about being stuck using a really destroyed, old RAZR: I have zero qualms about inflicting even further abuse onto it on a fairly regular basis.
• A bad thing about being stuck using a really destroyed, old RAZR: I have zero qualms about inflicting even further abuse onto it on a fairly regular basis.
• A good thing about being at home this school year: His school is just ten minutes away.
• A bad thing about being at home this school year: His school is just ten minutes away.**
• A good thing about diet coke: everything. duh.
• A bad thing about Diet Coke: nothing, duh.

 listfully yours.
xo tess
*Not to worry, I am still very, very hood. Phew.
** Ooh, vague, evasive, suggestive of scandal & intrigue? Meh, not really. Not all that intriguing, anyway.

a list on Spencer Pratt's Birthday (and also my friend Katie's)

okay this is all you're getting from me today, but I promise it's mondo cute.
Need to be ready to leave in like twenty minutes.

Hope everyone made it through Friday the 13th reasonably unscathed. Have a lovely Saturday.

listfully yours.
xoxo tess

a list of today by the numbers

I need to shower and do my hair and get dressed and print directions for my friend even though we've been to Hartford 10,000 times and be ready to leave my house by five so this is going to be brief.

• 2: the number of total hours roundtrip that a quick run to pick something up at the Newbury Comics in Amherst took me this morning. It should take ten minutes to get there from here on the highway. Damn you, construction.
• 183470348324343 : approximate number of expletives I screamed alone inside my car during said drive.
• 6: number of E.L Fudge cookies I've eaten today. I hate having those in the house, I can't control myself.
• 30: number of minutes I had to wait at the salon to get my eyebrows waxed today.
• 0: the number of minutes I usually wait.
• 5: the number of times I have come into that salon to find the film Crash playing on the two televisions they have mounted at either end of the room. I can't be alone in finding that to be strange. Good movie, not necessarily appropriate.
• 100,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 : the number that most closely expresses the quantity of excitement coursing through my veins right now over the fact that I will be seeing my friend Katie tomorrow! :)
• 2.5 : hours I have left to get ready. Gahhhh

Alrighty, that's all folks. I can't promise that I am going to be able to post at all tomorrow, unfortunately, because I'll be in Providence celebrating my friend's birthday, but I will try my best. Have a great weekend, don't drive drunk, don't drink anything that comes from a communal bowl, and practice safe sex. Oh and don't get that tattoo. I don't know, just don't, you'll thank me. Peace.

listfully yours.
xo tess

a list of ways Tess is exploding all over the place

Okay. Okay. OKAY.
I have tried to right like six different lists for tonight's blog post and nothing is working. I've tried to be witty. I've tried to be unflinchingly honest. I've tried to be quirky. I've even tried to just be run of the mill and boring.  I'd take anything, but I've got nothing. I went personal, I went silly, and it was all useless and it all made me want to puke and so here is the best I have for you...spewed brain matter, more or less.Things are going a little crazy in my life right now, I am going a little crazy right now, and I'm just feeling as if I've split into a thousand pieces and those pieces are flying out in every direction and scattering  all over the place, and this is not particularly pleasant state of mind, nor one that is very conducive to productivity. All I want to do right now is hide under the covers and wait for the pieces to collect themselves, but that's not the way to get through things, so I am just going to apologize ahead of time for my chaos and my mess, and then I am going to type in a "stream of conciousness" sort of way about things that do not pertain in anyway to each other, not read or edit at all, post it, and never look back. And then I am going to go wash down ten E.L. Fudge cookies with a can of diet coke, stand in the shower until the water goes icy,  and then flop into my bed to hide until I'm due at work tomorrow morning.

•  Every time I listen to this song  I end up crying for a good hour afterwards, and while, yes, I am emotionally unstable and therefore you will probably not feel quite so moved, it is very heartbreaking.
• The highlight of my day was bonding with a spectacularly articulate six year old girl at work over our mutual adoration for...candy corn. Yeah. She was fantastic, though. I was the one steering the coversation toward candy, she probably could have told me the meaning of life if I'd thought to ask.
• People. I am going to see THE JONAS BROTHERS tomorrow. and DEMI LOVATO. and CAMP ROCK FRIENDS live in concert tomorrow night. Honestly. What is my life? *
• Venti iced americanos from Starbucks with three splenda and a little dash of the vanilla powder that they leave out on the cream/sugar cart thing. The best antidote to 8 AM.
•  I'm sitting in my room in a tank top and a bikini bottom, surrounded by piles of clothing and books and various other crap because a) I am really, really overheated for some reason and b) I can't organize anything to save my life. I sat right here earlier tonight eating Raisin Bran out of a mug for dinner and rereading favorite passages from favorite books and painting my nails with my tackiest fire engine red and then I forced myself up and tried to begin sorting through my four buckets of shoes and got overwhelmed and sweaty and panicky because there are too many shoes and not enough space for them all but I can't part with a single pair and on a normal day it's doesn't really matter, and I can figure it out but today I am not a functioning person and so I drank three glasses of lemonade and counted my steps as I paced the kitchen and then someway or another I ended up back in bed. I am doing well for myself...
• I love sending really carefully thought out, heartfelt messages to someone and receiving one word responses. Really great for the ego and the heart and the mind and the feelings and the psyche and all that jazz.
• I am embarrassing myself. Sorry. Not feeling so graceful with the words this evening. Not to suggest that I ever really am, but I try. Not trying now. Blah. Sorry, I'm being melodramatic. I swear, I swear it's all cool. This is just how I get sometimes, I just usually don't blog on those days because I am more or less useless. I journal like nobody's business but those are hectic, nervous, private words that I don't share with anyone and seldom even read over again myself. Or I write fiction. Fiction pours of out of me when I'm feeling particularly nutso like this, but writing about myself becomes particularly difficult, and making my prose anything resembling charming is an impossibility.

Seven is my favorite number, see you tomorrow.

listfully yours.
xo tess

*I am taking my sister. Very conveniently, one of my best friends has a little sister Lara's age. And even more conveneintly, they're basically obsessed with each other, which works out well for sisterly outings.  It will be fun, I'm not actually dreading it at all, it's just not that only now is the absurdity of being an eighteen year old at a Jonas Brothers concert, particuarly being THIS eighteen year old at a Jonas Brothers concert, really setting in. But oh well. I'm sure it will be entertaining, if nothing else. And Lara will love it, which is all that really matters.

a list of generic facts about myself because I'm sleepy and boring

It's already eleven thirty and I am just getting to the computer, coming directly from showering away the six hours I spent at Cracker Barrel tonight. I also worked my other job this morning and had an appointment and a lot of laundry to do inbetween, so although I know that it's not really that much, I'm lazy, and I'm exhausted, so I don't have much for ya tonight. I decided to take one of the suggestions from a book that a friend bought me at my last birthday called Listography which is exactly what it sounds like, a journal meant to be filled with lists. They give you a new topic for your list on each page but I am going to be really dull and use the very first, and least interesting one - A list of facts about yourself...here goes:

• My birthday is on New Years Eve. This means that I was the youngest person in my graduating class, since the cut off for starting kindergarten was January 1st, and I made it by just one day. I'm always the baby of any group, and was only 17 when I started college. I complain about it, but in reality I totally love being the youngest and get really upset when I'm not. A birthday on December 31st also guarantees that you will always have epic birthday parties to attend, even if they aren't always technically for you.
• I have a 13-year old sister, Lara, and even now in the throws of middle school induced bitchiness she is an awesome person. She is so much bolder, cooler, and more confident than I am and I love her to bits.
• I don't eat red meat. Mostly just because I think it's gross, but also because I love animals and try to live as cruelty free as possible. It's hard though, because of my strong affinities toward chicken fingers and leather boots.
• There is a land called Passive Aggressiva and I am their Queen. (working on it.)
• I could eat cereal at every meal.
• I have a tumblr account which I mostly use to spew angst and try to get John Mayer to reblog me.*
• I am the friendliest drunk you have ever met.
• My hometown is the teen pregnancy capitol of Massachusetts (most knocked up teens per capita.) Woooooooooo!
• Number of cell phones I have lost/broken/thrown out of moving a vehicle this year: 5.
• When I was eight years old my best friend and I took her neighbor's bike away from her and threw it  into a creek. I didn't actually have anything to do with it, the idea or the action, but I was there, and I didn't stop it, and despite the fact that it really was not THAT big of a deal, I still feel guilty about it to this day. I'm just so not a bully, at all, so this memory stands out.**
• I am going to have to adjust the date on this entry so that it looks like it got posted on August 11th because it's totally 12:17 right now. Oops. Don't tell the BEDA powers that be on me.

listfully yours.
xo tess
*That's not all I try to get John Mayer to do to me. Wink, wink...Baahha. oh what is wrong with me...
** My friend really isn't mean either, she's just sort of a wild-child, was even moreso back then, and thought it seemed like a fun way to occupy a few minutes of our day. And by sort of a wild-child I mean that she is completely insane. But wonderful, too.

a list of books I've read this summer

I don't really feel like talking about me today. I'd much rather talk about books, so I hope you guys are readers. (although the very fact that you are choosing to READ this blog right now, and furthermore that you are even a member of this website, suggest that you probably enjoy reading for pleasure, especially when that reading includes novels that are about 10,000 times better than the drivel I offer up here.)

These are books I have read this summer (some re-reads) and my thoughts on them:

• This is Where I Leave You by Jonathan Tropper. This is one of those books that is more of a testament to the talent of it's author than it is a great work of literature. Meaning that while I was duly impressed with the mastery of Jonathan Tropper's writing (and jealous!) the story itself didn't blow me away. Tropper is great, but his book is only good. It's an enjoyable read for sure, I think my expectations were just a little too high because family dysfunction is probably my favorite genre to read about. Tropper's a brilliant writer and his prose is a pleasure to read, and he is also very funny, bringing me to audible laughter at several points throughout. 
• The History of Love by Nicole Kraus. A friend recently issued me a very serious tongue lashing because I had no familiarity with any of Kraus's work, and when I finished this little beauty her outrage seemed not only appropriate, but insufficient.*  I felt so moved when I was done with this book that it was literally as if someone had cracked my chest open so that every emotion inside of me could just pour our out onto the floor.**This book is absolutely wonderful, and lordy can this woman turn a phrase. I highly recommend it to anyone and everyone.Unfortunately, I am am halfway through my next Kraus book and I can not boast the same enthusiasm. So far I am teetering between indifference and lukewarm approval where Man Walks Into A Room is concerned. But, eh, we'll see.
• Manhood for Amauteurs by Michael Chabon. You've seen the title and author of this book now, so there is nothing else for me to say, and only one thing for you to do; READ IT. Immediately. And then let's talk about how wondrous Michael Chabon is and how fantastic these essays are and how we totally understand why Ayelet Waldman loves him more than she loves their children. ***(read her essay!)
• Kavalier and Clay by Michael Chabon. A reread inspired by the above book of essays. Still brilliant, in case you were wondering.
• The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins. Oh my god, you guys, oh my god. Brilliant. Wonderful. Beautiful. Sensational. This series is absolutely a shining example of what young adult fantasy (I avoid the term Sci-Fi, although that is probably the most appropriate label, because it grosses me out) should be. And I don't even like fantasy. Really, I don't. I love Harry Potter but that's it. THAT'S IT Couldn't get through one Chronicles of Narnia book, laughed at the idea of reading those mamoth Lord of The Rings novels with their tiny little type and weird-ass creature characters, and I adore Joss Whedon but Buffy is a ridiculous piece of crap. I hate fantasy. Don't like it, Don't get it, it's not for me. But this...THIS. This is beauty. This is wonderful. This kept me up for 24 hours because I couldn't put it down. This made me cry. This made me smile til my cheeks hurt. This made me insane with suspense but also left me goofily happy at the sweeter moments. Katniss Everdeen = walking awesomeness. I don't want to say a  single word about the plot, because I went into it knowing nothing and the results were incredibly satisfying. You need to read The Hunger Games trilogy. Need.  It's a fun, easy breezy read, but it's gold. GOLD.
• Catching Fire (the sequel to the Hunger Games) I haven't officially decided but I may have loved this book even MORE than I loved the first. Which is to say, YOU NEED TO READ THIS SERIES! I will be waiting with baited breath for the release of the final chapter of this gorgeous saga, Mockingjay, on August 24th. Thank god that I got into this series late, because I am frantic over having to wait two weeks to find out what happens, I can't imagine what it would be like to have been waiting almost a year.
• College Girl by Patricia Weitz. There were moments while I read this book that I was truly engrossed in it. For the most part I was just mildly interested, engaged, but only in a cursory sort of way, but there were segments that had me genuinely enraptured. And then I finished the book and realized that it was really no good at all. So yeah. That's that. It's not awful, but neither is it worth your time. Overachieving college girl with no social life gets her first boyfriend, he is a DOUCHE, and her life falls apart. I won't spoil the end...okay, yes  I will, she pulls it together in the end and is better for the struggle. Yawn.  You're bored already, aren't you?
• Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang by none other than my beloved Chelsea Handler. I bought just about the second that it was released but I didn't get around to reading it until about a month later and GOD is it wonderful. I loved both her previous books, feel no differently here. The tales of her various brazen, drunken, slutty escapades never fail to make me desperately long to be her friend. I think Chelsea is hilarious, and a damn good writer, and I would encourage anyone to pick up her books for a nice belly laugh.
• The Millenium Trilogy : Okay. I don't really know what to say about these books, because there were moments when I loved them and couldn't get enough, and then other moments when I had to literally force myself to get through the pages like I was reading from a textbook for some terribly boring class. I liked them overall, but I also wanted to take a serious red pen to them and cut out all the USELESS MIND NUMBINGLY DULL DRIVEL that was suffocating all the really great stuff. (That's probably rude to say since the author, Steig Larrson, is dead, but really it's his editor I have an issue with, not him. He's a great writer and REALLY great at characterization. Lisbeth Salander is a wonderful creation.) The middle part of the third book was such an absolute drag that I actually put it aside for a few days and haven't picked it up again yet. And that was two weeks ago! This is a series that I was frantically blowing through because the suspense was keeping me awake at night, roadblocked by so much dull, ridiculous, junk about Swedish mobsters and stuff that I just stopped caring. I want to know what happens to Lisbeth and Mikael, and okay yeah, I really, really want to know if they get together in the end. ( They've got to, right?) but not badly enough to wade through that crap.
• When You Are Engulfed in Flames by David Sedaris. This was the only Sedaris book I had yet to read and I devoured it just as merrily as I have any of this other works.This man has the most remarkable gift for taking everyday, run of the mill-type acendotes  and making them hysterical and gorgeous and tragic and sidesplitting and heartwarming all at once.
• Changing My Mind: Occasional Essays by Zadie Smith. If you are a word kid like me, a lover of reading and writing, and an admirer of incredible talent and brilliance, then you're going to want to read this. And then every other word Zadie Smith has ever written. She is a sensation. She is also way too pretty to be so gifted. It's not fair.
• A Tree Grows in Brooklyn by Betty Smith. A classic I am proud to have finally gotten to, but which I will say I was disappointed by. It's good and I cried and I liked-it-okay and all that but I wasn't blown away. I guess it's not fair to expect a book to amaze you just because it's hailed as a classic but whatever, life isn't fair.
• Full Frontal Feminism: A Young Woman's Guide to Why Feminism Matters. I have become very fascinated by sociology lately (considering a double major in it) and I have been doing some research and self teaching on various topics within that large spectrum. I've read at least part of several books along those lines over the past couple months, but this is the best one.
• Wasted: A Memoir of Anorexia and Bulimia by Marya Hornbacher. Marya is a very talented, and heartwrenchingly honest writer, and her work is very engrossing. I've read this memoir many, many times. Too many, probably. Madness, the book in which she discusses her battle with bi-polar disorder is also riveting.
• Harry Potter 1-3. I've been working on a reread since May but other new literary treats keep distracting me and slowing up the process.

 I think that covers all the reading I've done this summer and anyway if I have forgotten anything that it apparently didn't make very much of an impression on me so there is really no use in my telling you about it. I'm going to go now because I have a lovely friend here with me who has been very patient with my noisy typing as we watch episodes of Community, and now it is time for me to be more amusing company, and then soon, it will be time for my all time favorite thing - a night swim. Yay. Have a nice Wednesday, and I look forward to sharing another list with you tomorrow.

listfully yours.
xo tess

*Also, Nicole is married to the seriously gifted Jonathan Safran Foer, author of Everything is Illuminated and Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close, two brilliant novels that both make my short list (which is actually extraodinarily long) of all time favorite novels, so there is no excuse for my never paying any attention to his wife's books before now. And ya, that's a fucking awesome couple.
**Except that if someone cracked my chest open the stuff that would pour out would not be feelings and emotions. It would be blood and guts and, like, my heart. And it would be gross.
*** jokes aside I really do understand what she is saying about loving her children but being IN LOVE with her husband, and why those two are different. I mean I guess I don't really understand, as I have neither a husband or children, but conceptually it seems logical to me.

a list about country hospitality and friends and nail polish

Hello lovelies. So, remember that time when I was nervous about starting work, at the Cracker Barrel of all places, and all jittery over it and such? Wow, that was a lot of wasted energy. Seriously, five hours spent in that joint today tell me that it is one of the most endlessly amusing places on Earth. The employee handbook alone will give me fuel for endless hours of mockery, as well as plenty of amusing party chatter, something that the tragically social awkward (me) have to give serious consideration to. The silliness has already commenced in that department in the form of my reading aloud from the handbook as my mother cooked dinner. She tried to be patient and encourage my enthusiasm as I went through the detailed list of proper hygiene and attire at The Crack, but realized about halfway through my recitation of the four page summary of my duties as a retail clerk that I my only goal was to drive her crazy, and I promptly received a conk on the head from a piece of tomato in response. It really is the corniest place I've ever set foot in, but also, fun, and nice, and so quaint that it's kinda sweet in an only mildly offensive way. The country stylin's certainly don't suit my city girl sensibilities but the people seem nice and the work looks easy so I think I'll be all right.

• The other newbie that went through orientation with me today was named Lea, spelled, as you can see, like Lea Michele. Which I of course noted immediately upon our being introduced. Geek.Gleek.
• She was absolutely darling...a bit of an oversharer (I know more about her after one day than many people I've known my entire life) but friendly, cute and well intentioned.
• I'm hanging out with two of my best friends from high school who I have not seen very much of lately. I am going to meet them at 8 and probably won't be home until after midnight (and therefore after the deadline for my BEDA post) which is the reason for this speedy blog I'm turning out right now.
• I just filmed a video! It will be up later tonight at which point I will edit this post to include a link right - HERE!
• Guys. They don't allow nail polish at the Cracker Barrel. This was almost going to be a BIG problem because anyone who knows me at all is aware that painting and repainting my nails is nothing short of a complusion for me, and that having to let them go naked for any extended period of time would be a particularly cruel torture (drama queen,) but fortunately the trainer today said that it was okay to bend this rule a little and wear a light colored polish, that many of the girls do so, just nothing too garish. Even this cramps my style a little because, really, I am a fan of the garish, but I can live with it.
• I purged about forty friends from my facebook yesterday and although it was a very tedious process, it was also weirdly exhilarating. As lame as that is, and as sad of a reflection on our society, it was very freeing to truly disconnect myself from some people that I no longer want or need in my life, or from randoms that I don't know/never knew and couldn't explain the reason for our online connection in the first place.

I need to go wash my face, call a boy, and snuggle my cat  before I go out, so this is where I leave you (great book.)

listfully yours,
xoxo tess

a list saying hello

Well that was quite a weekend. I'm sitting here sipping pink lemonade and trying to type carefully so that I don't smudge my freshly painted nails and having a very hard time believing that the last 72 hours have been real. I spent today trying to get my voice back, resting and rehydrating my ragged bones, and shopping for clothes to wear to my first day of work tomorrow. Ah! I bought an Oxford shirt from the little boy's department. Anything to save a buck. Anyway, I feel like I've been neglectful for the past couple days, and I know I only have 8 followers (hi guys!,) and I realize that reading my blog is most likely NOT the most significant ritual of any of your days, but dammit, I want to give all 8 of you something legitimate to read each day this month like I've promised. So, hi. Here are some words just for you. It's late so I'm just going to leave you with a rambly, random list of thoughts that pass through my mind in the next twenty minutes or so. Cool? Cool.

This is what's up right now:

• I'm shopping for messenger bags for school. This one is a serious contender. I considered it in the multi-colored leopard print but I really am attempting to be just a teensy bit more studious and serious these days, and I can't see how that would help matters.
• Alexander Skarsgard is actually too attractive. I've been wrestling with this issue for awhile now, basically since the moment I lay eyes on him, and I have come to the conclusion that this sort of inhumane, completely ridiculous, overpowering sort of beauty just isn't write. When I look at him I become both very turned on and very depressed. Obviously he's nice to look at, but it's almost too much, leaving me feeling entirely disgusting my comparison. And yet, even that doesn't quite explain it, because I am still very entranced with him, even though the feelings he inspires are not wholly pleasant. I guess what I'm saying is, if something/someone can be reach a level of physical perfection so extreme that it is actually no longer positive, he's it.
• related: TRUE BLOOD WAS BEYOND INSANE TONIGHT. Seriously, I'd love to be able to sit in on a brain storming session with that writing team. The shit they come up with is just unbelievable, just imagine the ideas they throw out as being too much...That would be a damn fun show to write for.
• Best line of the night: A very upset were-bitch Debbie: "She slept with my ex and killed my fiance, she's a cunt!" and the response of the ever-so-cool King Russell : "But she's a special cunt." *
• Someone leave me a comment telling me that I REALLY need to spend like 8 hours in the gym tomorrow. I didn't work out all weekend and, oh boy, do I feel it right now. Yuck.
• I'm ready for school, I'm ready for school, I'm reading for school.
• I'm nervous to start work, I'm nervous to start work, I'm nervous to start work.
•  Does anyone out here in the interwebs have any tips on making your hair grow faster? I want long hair again and I do NOT want to wait. Gah.
• I downloaded a new ringtone tonight even though my mom banned me from doing so. Oops, don't tell. (Katy Perry -Teenage Dream. Had to have it.)
• I am tentatively scheduled to hang out tomorrow night with a friend who I have not laid eyes on in at least two months for no real reason other than we both have lives to live and are less than stellar at making plans. Should be wonderful/exciting/kinda weird but cool to finally see her tomorrow.
• We're closing in on midnight so I guess that'll do.

listfully yours,
xoxo tess
*I can't believe that word will be appearing twice on my blog tonight.


Oh, following the trend of my other posts this weekend, I leave you with this. Goodnight.

a list that isn't really a list because I am too giddy about life to write a list

Guys, this is the best weekend ever.  I'll write about it at length on Monday or something when the buzz has worn down a bit but for now I just want to frolick in this joy and adrenaline, and anyway, I'm busy. So, another copout post, but I promise it's enjoyable.





I love you, I love him, I'm going to have another great day/night and I hope you do too.

listfully yours,
xoxo tess

a list on JOHN MAYER DAY

I'm going to see John Mayer tonight, which is beautiful. An outdoor John Mayer show on a beautiful night is the exact tangible translation of summer to me, and I am positively giddy to see my boy again. I am too excited to write about anything other than how excited I am and I don't pretend to think that anyone will find that interesting, and anyway I need to conserve my energy for massive fan-girling, and so I leave you with this.


love.

peace, babydolls.

listfully yours,
xoxo tess