Saturday, August 21, 2010

not a list

Hi friends. I do not have the time or will to blog right now but I just wanted to check in and say HELLO PEOPLE, I HAVE NOT FORGOTTEN MY COMMITMENT... I am just ignorning it. Wah. But I promise to blog soon. maybe a few catch up posts but I won't make any promises because I will probably break them.

I hope everything is going dandy for you. Squeezes.

listfully yours.
xo tess.

Thursday, August 19, 2010

a list of things I want to buy with my Crack money

I got my first pay check from the Cracker Barrel so all day my mind has been swimming in ideas about how to spend every single cent. I do have school to cover (but financial aid is taking care of that for the time being,) the get-a-car fund to contribute to, and my eye on purchasing a macbook by next semester BUT in the mean time here's some smaller things I want to drop my dolllllla$ on.
  • and I will also buy these Vans.
  • and while I was looking up the links to those shoes I saw this bag and remembered that every time I walk past/go into Journeys at the mall I say I am going to get it. And now I might actually.  
  • a body pillow cover. I have this big furry pink body pillow that makes me sweaty at night and leaves pink fuzz on my quilt and basically causes me nothing but angst, and yet for some reason I'd feel quilty not using it (I don't know, I'm crazy) so a cover seems like the solution.
  • half of H&M. They did really well with their line for fall this year, I took a quick walk through yesterday and if it were possible I probably would have left with two of everything.
  • A BLACKBERRY! FINALLY! My track record with phones suggests that maybe this isn't the smartest investment but I don't care, I want it so badly. Within the next few weeks, by back to school at least, I will have myself one of these babies. And it will be glorious.
  • a new totes sensible messenger bag for school, where I am going to be a totes dedicated student. :)
  • theeeesseee darling slouchy ankle boots. I shouldn't do it, but I probably will.
  • TICKETS TO SEE GAGA IN BOSTON ON MARCH 8TH!!!! I can't believe I haven't mentioned this yet since my excitement for this event already occupies about a third of my daily thoughts, but Katie and I have officially decided we are going to Lady Gaga, no ifs ands or buts about it. These tickets are going to run me something between $100-200 but I couldn't care less. It will be so worth it. Agggghhhhhhh.
  • a Sephora spree. Yes. This will happen. I don't even care.
  • a really cute portable coffee mug. The amount of time I spend thinking about how much I need one of these is tragic.
  • so many Mod Cloth dresses. I want to own this entire site.
  • Ohmygod, especially this one.
  • train tickets for the many New York trips I plan on going on this year. Next up is the Broadway Cares/Equity Fights AIDS Flea Market on September 26th. Can't freaking wait.
  • All of the books on my newly complete "To Be Read By the End of '10" list. Which maybe I will share with this blog.
Now that I've shown you all what a materialistic bitch I am, I think I'll just call it a night.

listfully yours.
xo tess

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

a list about being a slacker

Okay, okay, I missed two days of BEDA. I'd love to have some sort of dramatic explanation as to what has been going on in my life for the past two days that kept me from blogging but honestly, I've just been having a hectic week, and that combined with some annoyances on the personal front and just a general state of emotional dissaray left me way too tired and lazy to blog by the time I finally got the chance to sit down and do so. And I am sorry. Not so much because I think anyone was particularly disappointed not to see posts from me (I'm not quite the conceited) but because I committed to blogging every single day this month and keeping my committments is not a strong suit of mine, so I really need to focus on doing better, even with smaller, less important ones like this. Here is what's up in my world right now:
  • I got new glasses. They're a wider frame than I'm used to, almost too wide (it's a bit bold for me) but they're also purple and pretty and once we get used to each other I think I'll really like them.
  • I remembered that I love The Postal Service and that Ben Gibbard is on my list of all time favorite people.
  • My (very little) friend and I consumed an entire handle of Bacardi Dragon Berry in her bedroom on Sunday night and then we danced and cried and watched the video to Eminem's "Love the Way you Lie" on repeat and I made inappropriate phones calls and cut my bangs.
  • I worked a lot.
  • Also I bought six new Essie nail polishes. (my nail polish store is closing so they were half off.)
  • I'm going for a walk with Alyssa tonight to catch up on life.
  • And that walk is supposed to commence in 10 minutes.
  • And I am still in my work clothes.
  • So I have to go.
  • Peace out, lovely friends.
 To make up for the brevity of this post I offer this as a token of my affections. *

.listfully yours.
xo tess

* I should do this for every post since nekked A-Skars is entirely more satisfying than anything I could write.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

a list of things i regret

I am going to post this today (Wednesday 8/18) and pretend it went up yesterday. Deal with it.
  • That time a few years ago when I thought that one song ("Omigod You Guys") was kinda cute and I was in a spend-y sort of mood so I downloaded the entire Legally Blonde Original Cast Recording. Big waste of 15-or-something-in-that-ballpark-dollars, and an even bigger assault on my eardrums the few times I attempted to give it a chance. Aside from the couple quippy, catchy, cutesy numbers, it is very, very bad.
  • Never really applying myself fully to anything, ever.
  • Not going on more of a shopping spree at Topshop when I was in London. The one time I show any sign of self control and it's when I really should have been throwing fiscal conservativeness to the wind in favor of dropping major dough on a whole new wardrobe of adorable clothing.
  • The overly-layered hair cut I got last winter that I am still grappling with in order to try and make my head presentable.
  • Thinking for my entire life that just because I love to read and write I wanted to be an English major. (It turns out I really, really don't.)
  • Having the tendency to put up a shell and become too shy and too quiet and too nervous and too afraid and not friendly enough. I regret this every day in a million different ways and with special reverence towards millions of different instances.
  • Specifically, being afraid.
  • Not getting to the city to see Lauren Graham in Guys and Dolls before it closed. I really wanted to get to that one.
  • All the time I have wasted being paralyzed by self hate.
  • I don't particurlarly regret any of what I did last year, even the things I am certainly not proud of, but I chock it all up to life experience. I only regret that the motivating factor for most of my most outrageous behaviors and decisions was the sadness inside of me and the desperation to pretend that sadness wasn't there.
  • Spending 12 dollars on those purple jeans from Forever 21 that I have never worn, and will never wear.
  • Choosing to be alone when maybe I would have been happier and better off if I had accepted a companion. Not that I don't love my independence and spending time on my own because I truly do.

listfully yours.
xo tess

Sunday, August 15, 2010

a list of good things and bad things

Good stuff and Bad stuff! Ready? OKAY!
  • A good thing about  my job: I spent the better part of an hour this evening helping an absolutely lovely eleven year old girl pick out the a Halloween costume. We settled on the one that we both loved for it's similarity to a dress Danielle wears in Ever After. She made the reference even before I did. Smart kid, and she looked precious as hell in her lady-of-the-court finery.
  • A bad thing about my job: I walked out the door tonight humming a TOBY KEITH SONG. What? I had to blast The Blueprint the entire way home to just to cleanse my musical palate and try and preserve what is left of my street cred.  JOV heals all.*
  •  A good thing about my eating today: I had a bacon at breakfast AND an ice cream sandwich just now for a post seven hours at the Cracker Barrel pick me up.
  • A bad thing about my eating today: I had bacon at breakfast AND an ice cream sandwich just now for a post seven hours at the Cracker Barrel pick me up.
    A good thing about going to Providence last night: I got to see my friend Katie who I lovelovelovelovelove and who I desperately miss when we're forced to be separated by silly things like living 3 hours away from each other. And we had a lot of fun.
  • A bad thing about going to Providence last night: We were only together for one night, and while it was really great, I just miss her even more now and am more or less counting the seconds until we can hang out again.  I feel like the friends I am away from are always the ones  I need and want to be around the most. That's probably just me being difficult, but I do notice that.
  • A good thing about the fact that I now have 2 jobs: I am going to be making BANK.
  • A bad thing about the fact that I now have 2 jobs: I have no time for a life that involves anything other than pleasin' people at the crack or washing test tubes at HCC. Also the fact that I have to be at one job from 8 am to eleven tomorrow...and then be straight to the next one for noon. Bleh.
  • A good thing about being stuck using a really destroyed, old RAZR: I have zero qualms about inflicting even further abuse onto it on a fairly regular basis.
  • A bad thing about being stuck using a really destroyed, old RAZR: I have zero qualms about inflicting even further abuse onto it on a fairly regular basis.
  • A good thing about being at home this school year: His school is just ten minutes away.
  • A bad thing about being at home this school year: His school is just ten minutes away.**
  • A good thing about diet coke: everything. duh.
  • A bad thing about Diet Coke: nothing, duh.
 listfully yours.
xo tess
*Not to worry, I am still very, very hood. Phew.
** Ooh, vague, evasive, suggestive of scandal & intrigue? Meh, not really. Not all that intriguing, anyway.

Saturday, August 14, 2010

a list on Spencer Pratt's Birthday (and also my friend Katie's)

okay this is all you're getting from me today, but I promise it's mondo cute.
Need to be ready to leave in like twenty minutes.

Hope everyone made it through Friday the 13th reasonably unscathed. Have a lovely Saturday.

listfully yours.
xoxo tess

Friday, August 13, 2010

a list of today by the numbers

I need to shower and do my hair and get dressed and print directions for my friend even though we've been to Hartford 10,000 times and be ready to leave my house by five so this is going to be brief.

  • 2: the number of total hours roundtrip that a quick run to pick something up at the Newbury Comics in Amherst took me this morning. It should take ten minutes to get there from here on the highway. Damn you, construction.
  • 183470348324343 : approximate number of expletives I screamed alone inside my car during said drive.
  • 6: number of E.L Fudge cookies I've eaten today. I hate having those in the house, I can't control myself.
  • 30: number of minutes I had to wait at the salon to get my eyebrows waxed today.
  • 0: the number of minutes I usually wait.
  • 5: the number of times I have come into that salon to find the film Crash playing on the two televisions they have mounted at either end of the room. I can't be alone in finding that to be strange. Good movie, not necessarily appropriate.
  • 100,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 : the number that most closely expresses the quantity of excitement coursing through my veins right now over the fact that I will be seeing my friend Katie tomorrow! :)
  • 2.5 : hours I have left to get ready. Gahhhh
Alrighty, that's all folks. I can't promise that I am going to be able to post at all tomorrow, unfortunately, because I'll be in Providence celebrating my friend's birthday, but I will try my best. Have a great weekend, don't drive drunk, don't drink anything that comes from a communal bowl, and practice safe sex. Oh and don't get that tattoo. I don't know, just don't, you'll thank me. Peace.

listfully yours.
xo tess

Thursday, August 12, 2010

a list of ways Tess is exploding all over the place

Okay. Okay. OKAY.
I have tried to right like six different lists for tonight's blog post and nothing is working. I've tried to be witty. I've tried to be unflinchingly honest. I've tried to be quirky. I've even tried to just be run of the mill and boring.  I'd take anything, but I've got nothing. I went personal, I went silly, and it was all useless and it all made me want to puke and so here is the best I have for you...spewed brain matter, more or less.Things are going a little crazy in my life right now, I am going a little crazy right now, and I'm just feeling as if I've split into a thousand pieces and those pieces are flying out in every direction and scattering  all over the place, and this is not particularly pleasant state of mind, nor one that is very conducive to productivity. All I want to do right now is hide under the covers and wait for the pieces to collect themselves, but that's not the way to get through things, so I am just going to apologize ahead of time for my chaos and my mess, and then I am going to type in a "stream of conciousness" sort of way about things that do not pertain in anyway to each other, not read or edit at all, post it, and never look back. And then I am going to go wash down ten E.L. Fudge cookies with a can of diet coke, stand in the shower until the water goes icy,  and then flop into my bed to hide until I'm due at work tomorrow morning.
  •  Every time I listen to this song  I end up crying for a good hour afterwards, and while, yes, I am emotionally unstable and therefore you will probably not feel quite so moved, it is very heartbreaking.
  • The highlight of my day was bonding with a spectacularly articulate six year old girl at work over our mutual adoration for...candy corn. Yeah. She was fantastic, though. I was the one steering the coversation toward candy, she probably could have told me the meaning of life if I'd thought to ask.
  • People. I am going to see THE JONAS BROTHERS tomorrow. and DEMI LOVATO. and CAMP ROCK FRIENDS live in concert tomorrow night. Honestly. What is my life? *
  • Venti iced americanos from Starbucks with three splenda and a little dash of the vanilla powder that they leave out on the cream/sugar cart thing. The best antidote to 8 AM.
  •  I'm sitting in my room in a tank top and a bikini bottom, surrounded by piles of clothing and books and various other crap because a) I am really, really overheated for some reason and b) I can't organize anything to save my life. I sat right here earlier tonight eating Raisin Bran out of a mug for dinner and rereading favorite passages from favorite books and painting my nails with my tackiest fire engine red and then I forced myself up and tried to begin sorting through my four buckets of shoes and got overwhelmed and sweaty and panicky because there are too many shoes and not enough space for them all but I can't part with a single pair and on a normal day it's doesn't really matter, and I can figure it out but today I am not a functioning person and so I drank three glasses of lemonade and counted my steps as I paced the kitchen and then someway or another I ended up back in bed. I am doing well for myself...
  • I love sending really carefully thought out, heartfelt messages to someone and receiving one word responses. Really great for the ego and the heart and the mind and the feelings and the psyche and all that jazz.
  • I am embarrassing myself. Sorry. Not feeling so graceful with the words this evening. Not to suggest that I ever really am, but I try. Not trying now. Blah. Sorry, I'm being melodramatic. I swear, I swear it's all cool. This is just how I get sometimes, I just usually don't blog on those days because I am more or less useless. I journal like nobody's business but those are hectic, nervous, private words that I don't share with anyone and seldom even read over again myself. Or I write fiction. Fiction pours of out of me when I'm feeling particularly nutso like this, but writing about myself becomes particularly difficult, and making my prose anything resembling charming is an impossibility.
Seven is my favorite number, see you tomorrow.

listfully yours.
xo tess

*I am taking my sister. Very conveniently, one of my best friends has a little sister Lara's age. And even more conveneintly, they're basically obsessed with each other, which works out well for sisterly outings.  It will be fun, I'm not actually dreading it at all, it's just not that only now is the absurdity of being an eighteen year old at a Jonas Brothers concert, particuarly being THIS eighteen year old at a Jonas Brothers concert, really setting in. But oh well. I'm sure it will be entertaining, if nothing else. And Lara will love it, which is all that really matters.

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

a list of generic facts about myself because I'm sleepy and boring

It's already eleven thirty and I am just getting to the computer, coming directly from showering away the six hours I spent at Cracker Barrel tonight. I also worked my other job this morning and had an appointment and a lot of laundry to do inbetween, so although I know that it's not really that much, I'm lazy, and I'm exhausted, so I don't have much for ya tonight. I decided to take one of the suggestions from a book that a friend bought me at my last birthday called Listography which is exactly what it sounds like, a journal meant to be filled with lists. They give you a new topic for your list on each page but I am going to be really dull and use the very first, and least interesting one - A list of facts about goes:
  • My birthday is on New Years Eve. This means that I was the youngest person in my graduating class, since the cut off for starting kindergarten was January 1st, and I made it by just one day. I'm always the baby of any group, and was only 17 when I started college. I complain about it, but in reality I totally love being the youngest and get really upset when I'm not. A birthday on December 31st also guarantees that you will always have epic birthday parties to attend, even if they aren't always technically for you.
  • I have a 13-year old sister, Lara, and even now in the throws of middle school induced bitchiness she is an awesome person. She is so much bolder, cooler, and more confident than I am and I love her to bits.
  • I don't eat red meat. Mostly just because I think it's gross, but also because I love animals and try to live as cruelty free as possible. It's hard though, because of my strong affinities toward chicken fingers and leather boots.
  • There is a land called Passive Aggressiva and I am their Queen. (working on it.)
  • I could eat cereal at every meal.
  • I have a tumblr account which I mostly use to spew angst and try to get John Mayer to reblog me.*
  • I am the friendliest drunk you have ever met.
  • My hometown is the teen pregnancy capitol of Massachusetts (most knocked up teens per capita.) Woooooooooo!
  • Number of cell phones I have lost/broken/thrown out of moving a vehicle this year: 5.
  • When I was eight years old my best friend and I took her neighbor's bike away from her and threw it  into a creek. I didn't actually have anything to do with it, the idea or the action, but I was there, and I didn't stop it, and despite the fact that it really was not THAT big of a deal, I still feel guilty about it to this day. I'm just so not a bully, at all, so this memory stands out.**
  • I am going to have to adjust the date on this entry so that it looks like it got posted on August 11th because it's totally 12:17 right now. Oops. Don't tell the BEDA powers that be on me.
listfully yours.
xo tess
*That's not all I try to get John Mayer to do to me. Wink, wink...Baahha. oh what is wrong with me...
** My friend really isn't mean either, she's just sort of a wild-child, was even moreso back then, and thought it seemed like a fun way to occupy a few minutes of our day. And by sort of a wild-child I mean that she is completely insane. But wonderful, too.

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

a list of books I've read this summer

I don't really feel like talking about me today. I'd much rather talk about books, so I hope you guys are readers. (although the very fact that you are choosing to READ this blog right now, and furthermore that you are even a member of this website, suggest that you probably enjoy reading for pleasure, especially when that reading includes novels that are about 10,000 times better than the drivel I offer up here.)

These are books I have read this summer (some re-reads) and my thoughts on them:
  • This is Where I Leave You by Jonathan Tropper. This is one of those books that is more of a testament to the talent of it's author than it is a great work of literature. Meaning that while I was duly impressed with the mastery of Jonathan Tropper's writing (and jealous!) the story itself didn't blow me away. Tropper is great, but his book is only good. It's an enjoyable read for sure, I think my expectations were just a little too high because family dysfunction is probably my favorite genre to read about. Tropper's a brilliant writer and his prose is a pleasure to read, and he is also very funny, bringing me to audible laughter at several points throughout. 
  • The History of Love by Nicole Kraus. A friend recently issued me a very serious tongue lashing because I had no familiarity with any of Kraus's work, and when I finished this little beauty her outrage seemed not only appropriate, but insufficient.*  I felt so moved when I was done with this book that it was literally as if someone had cracked my chest open so that every emotion inside of me could just pour our out onto the floor.**This book is absolutely wonderful, and lordy can this woman turn a phrase. I highly recommend it to anyone and everyone.Unfortunately, I am am halfway through my next Kraus book and I can not boast the same enthusiasm. So far I am teetering between indifference and lukewarm approval where Man Walks Into A Room is concerned. But, eh, we'll see.
  • Manhood for Amauteurs by Michael Chabon. You've seen the title and author of this book now, so there is nothing else for me to say, and only one thing for you to do; READ IT. Immediately. And then let's talk about how wondrous Michael Chabon is and how fantastic these essays are and how we totally understand why Ayelet Waldman loves him more than she loves their children. ***(read her essay!)
  • Kavalier and Clay by Michael Chabon. A reread inspired by the above book of essays. Still brilliant, in case you were wondering.
  • The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins. Oh my god, you guys, oh my god. Brilliant. Wonderful. Beautiful. Sensational. This series is absolutely a shining example of what young adult fantasy (I avoid the term Sci-Fi, although that is probably the most appropriate label, because it grosses me out) should be. And I don't even like fantasy. Really, I don't. I love Harry Potter but that's it. THAT'S IT Couldn't get through one Chronicles of Narnia book, laughed at the idea of reading those mamoth Lord of The Rings novels with their tiny little type and weird-ass creature characters, and I adore Joss Whedon but Buffy is a ridiculous piece of crap. I hate fantasy. Don't like it, Don't get it, it's not for me. But this...THIS. This is beauty. This is wonderful. This kept me up for 24 hours because I couldn't put it down. This made me cry. This made me smile til my cheeks hurt. This made me insane with suspense but also left me goofily happy at the sweeter moments. Katniss Everdeen = walking awesomeness. I don't want to say a  single word about the plot, because I went into it knowing nothing and the results were incredibly satisfying. You need to read The Hunger Games trilogy. Need.  It's a fun, easy breezy read, but it's gold. GOLD.
  • Catching Fire (the sequel to the Hunger Games) I haven't officially decided but I may have loved this book even MORE than I loved the first. Which is to say, YOU NEED TO READ THIS SERIES! I will be waiting with baited breath for the release of the final chapter of this gorgeous saga, Mockingjay, on August 24th. Thank god that I got into this series late, because I am frantic over having to wait two weeks to find out what happens, I can't imagine what it would be like to have been waiting almost a year.
  • College Girl by Patricia Weitz. There were moments while I read this book that I was truly engrossed in it. For the most part I was just mildly interested, engaged, but only in a cursory sort of way, but there were segments that had me genuinely enraptured. And then I finished the book and realized that it was really no good at all. So yeah. That's that. It's not awful, but neither is it worth your time. Overachieving college girl with no social life gets her first boyfriend, he is a DOUCHE, and her life falls apart. I won't spoil the end...okay, yes  I will, she pulls it together in the end and is better for the struggle. Yawn.  You're bored already, aren't you?
  • Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang by none other than my beloved Chelsea Handler. I bought just about the second that it was released but I didn't get around to reading it until about a month later and GOD is it wonderful. I loved both her previous books, feel no differently here. The tales of her various brazen, drunken, slutty escapades never fail to make me desperately long to be her friend. I think Chelsea is hilarious, and a damn good writer, and I would encourage anyone to pick up her books for a nice belly laugh.
  • The Millenium Trilogy : Okay. I don't really know what to say about these books, because there were moments when I loved them and couldn't get enough, and then other moments when I had to literally force myself to get through the pages like I was reading from a textbook for some terribly boring class. I liked them overall, but I also wanted to take a serious red pen to them and cut out all the USELESS MIND NUMBINGLY DULL DRIVEL that was suffocating all the really great stuff. (That's probably rude to say since the author, Steig Larrson, is dead, but really it's his editor I have an issue with, not him. He's a great writer and REALLY great at characterization. Lisbeth Salander is a wonderful creation.) The middle part of the third book was such an absolute drag that I actually put it aside for a few days and haven't picked it up again yet. And that was two weeks ago! This is a series that I was frantically blowing through because the suspense was keeping me awake at night, roadblocked by so much dull, ridiculous, junk about Swedish mobsters and stuff that I just stopped caring. I want to know what happens to Lisbeth and Mikael, and okay yeah, I really, really want to know if they get together in the end. ( They've got to, right?) but not badly enough to wade through that crap.
  • When You Are Engulfed in Flames by David Sedaris. This was the only Sedaris book I had yet to read and I devoured it just as merrily as I have any of this other works.This man has the most remarkable gift for taking everyday, run of the mill-type acendotes  and making them hysterical and gorgeous and tragic and sidesplitting and heartwarming all at once.
  • Changing My Mind: Occasional Essays by Zadie Smith. If you are a word kid like me, a lover of reading and writing, and an admirer of incredible talent and brilliance, then you're going to want to read this. And then every other word Zadie Smith has ever written. She is a sensation. She is also way too pretty to be so gifted. It's not fair.
  • A Tree Grows in Brooklyn by Betty Smith. A classic I am proud to have finally gotten to, but which I will say I was disappointed by. It's good and I cried and I liked-it-okay and all that but I wasn't blown away. I guess it's not fair to expect a book to amaze you just because it's hailed as a classic but whatever, life isn't fair.
  • Full Frontal Feminism: A Young Woman's Guide to Why Feminism Matters. I have become very fascinated by sociology lately (considering a double major in it) and I have been doing some research and self teaching on various topics within that large spectrum. I've read at least part of several books along those lines over the past couple months, but this is the best one.
  • Wasted: A Memoir of Anorexia and Bulimia by Marya Hornbacher. Marya is a very talented, and heartwrenchingly honest writer, and her work is very engrossing. I've read this memoir many, many times. Too many, probably. Madness, the book in which she discusses her battle with bi-polar disorder is also riveting.
  • Harry Potter 1-3. I've been working on a reread since May but other new literary treats keep distracting me and slowing up the process.
 I think that covers all the reading I've done this summer and anyway if I have forgotten anything that it apparently didn't make very much of an impression on me so there is really no use in my telling you about it. I'm going to go now because I have a lovely friend here with me who has been very patient with my noisy typing as we watch episodes of Community, and now it is time for me to be more amusing company, and then soon, it will be time for my all time favorite thing - a night swim. Yay. Have a nice Wednesday, and I look forward to sharing another list with you tomorrow.

listfully yours.
xo tess

*Also, Nicole is married to the seriously gifted Jonathan Safran Foer, author of Everything is Illuminated and Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close, two brilliant novels that both make my short list (which is actually extraodinarily long) of all time favorite novels, so there is no excuse for my never paying any attention to his wife's books before now. And ya, that's a fucking awesome couple.
**Except that if someone cracked my chest open the stuff that would pour out would not be feelings and emotions. It would be blood and guts and, like, my heart. And it would be gross.
*** jokes aside I really do understand what she is saying about loving her children but being IN LOVE with her husband, and why those two are different. I mean I guess I don't really understand, as I have neither a husband or children, but conceptually it seems logical to me.

Monday, August 9, 2010

a list about country hospitality and friends and nail polish

Hello lovelies. So, remember that time when I was nervous about starting work, at the Cracker Barrel of all places, and all jittery over it and such? Wow, that was a lot of wasted energy. Seriously, five hours spent in that joint today tell me that it is one of the most endlessly amusing places on Earth. The employee handbook alone will give me fuel for endless hours of mockery, as well as plenty of amusing party chatter, something that the tragically social awkward (me) have to give serious consideration to. The silliness has already commenced in that department in the form of my reading aloud from the handbook as my mother cooked dinner. She tried to be patient and encourage my enthusiasm as I went through the detailed list of proper hygiene and attire at The Crack, but realized about halfway through my recitation of the four page summary of my duties as a retail clerk that I my only goal was to drive her crazy, and I promptly received a conk on the head from a piece of tomato in response. It really is the corniest place I've ever set foot in, but also, fun, and nice, and so quaint that it's kinda sweet in an only mildly offensive way. The country stylin's certainly don't suit my city girl sensibilities but the people seem nice and the work looks easy so I think I'll be all right.
  • The other newbie that went through orientation with me today was named Lea, spelled, as you can see, like Lea Michele. Which I of course noted immediately upon our being introduced. Geek.Gleek.
  • She was absolutely darling...a bit of an oversharer (I know more about her after one day than many people I've known my entire life) but friendly, cute and well intentioned.
  • I'm hanging out with two of my best friends from high school who I have not seen very much of lately. I am going to meet them at 8 and probably won't be home until after midnight (and therefore after the deadline for my BEDA post) which is the reason for this speedy blog I'm turning out right now.
  • I just filmed a video! It will be up later tonight at which point I will edit this post to include a link right - HERE!
  • Guys. They don't allow nail polish at the Cracker Barrel. This was almost going to be a BIG problem because anyone who knows me at all is aware that painting and repainting my nails is nothing short of a complusion for me, and that having to let them go naked for any extended period of time would be a particularly cruel torture (drama queen,) but fortunately the trainer today said that it was okay to bend this rule a little and wear a light colored polish, that many of the girls do so, just nothing too garish. Even this cramps my style a little because, really, I am a fan of the garish, but I can live with it.
  • I purged about forty friends from my facebook yesterday and although it was a very tedious process, it was also weirdly exhilarating. As lame as that is, and as sad of a reflection on our society, it was very freeing to truly disconnect myself from some people that I no longer want or need in my life, or from randoms that I don't know/never knew and couldn't explain the reason for our online connection in the first place.
I need to go wash my face, call a boy, and snuggle my cat  before I go out, so this is where I leave you (great book.)

listfully yours,
xoxo tess

Sunday, August 8, 2010

a list saying hello

Well that was quite a weekend. I'm sitting here sipping pink lemonade and trying to type carefully so that I don't smudge my freshly painted nails and having a very hard time believing that the last 72 hours have been real. I spent today trying to get my voice back, resting and rehydrating my ragged bones, and shopping for clothes to wear to my first day of work tomorrow. Ah! I bought an Oxford shirt from the little boy's department. Anything to save a buck. Anyway, I feel like I've been neglectful for the past couple days, and I know I only have 8 followers (hi guys!,) and I realize that reading my blog is most likely NOT the most significant ritual of any of your days, but dammit, I want to give all 8 of you something legitimate to read each day this month like I've promised. So, hi. Here are some words just for you. It's late so I'm just going to leave you with a rambly, random list of thoughts that pass through my mind in the next twenty minutes or so. Cool? Cool.

This is what's up right now:
  • I'm shopping for messenger bags for school. This one is a serious contender. I considered it in the multi-colored leopard print but I really am attempting to be just a teensy bit more studious and serious these days, and I can't see how that would help matters.
  • Alexander Skarsgard is actually too attractive. I've been wrestling with this issue for awhile now, basically since the moment I lay eyes on him, and I have come to the conclusion that this sort of inhumane, completely ridiculous, overpowering sort of beauty just isn't write. When I look at him I become both very turned on and very depressed. Obviously he's nice to look at, but it's almost too much, leaving me feeling entirely disgusting my comparison. And yet, even that doesn't quite explain it, because I am still very entranced with him, even though the feelings he inspires are not wholly pleasant. I guess what I'm saying is, if something/someone can be reach a level of physical perfection so extreme that it is actually no longer positive, he's it.
  • related: TRUE BLOOD WAS BEYOND INSANE TONIGHT. Seriously, I'd love to be able to sit in on a brain storming session with that writing team. The shit they come up with is just unbelievable, just imagine the ideas they throw out as being too much...That would be a damn fun show to write for.
  • Best line of the night: A very upset were-bitch Debbie: "She slept with my ex and killed my fiance, she's a cunt!" and the response of the ever-so-cool King Russell : "But she's a special cunt." *
  • Someone leave me a comment telling me that I REALLY need to spend like 8 hours in the gym tomorrow. I didn't work out all weekend and, oh boy, do I feel it right now. Yuck.
  • I'm ready for school, I'm ready for school, I'm reading for school.
  • I'm nervous to start work, I'm nervous to start work, I'm nervous to start work.
  •  Does anyone out here in the interwebs have any tips on making your hair grow faster? I want long hair again and I do NOT want to wait. Gah.
  • I downloaded a new ringtone tonight even though my mom banned me from doing so. Oops, don't tell. (Katy Perry -Teenage Dream. Had to have it.)
  • I am tentatively scheduled to hang out tomorrow night with a friend who I have not laid eyes on in at least two months for no real reason other than we both have lives to live and are less than stellar at making plans. Should be wonderful/exciting/kinda weird but cool to finally see her tomorrow.
  • We're closing in on midnight so I guess that'll do.

listfully yours,
xoxo tess
*I can't believe that word will be appearing twice on my blog tonight.

Oh, following the trend of my other posts this weekend, I leave you with this. Goodnight.

Saturday, August 7, 2010

a list that isn't really a list because I am too giddy about life to write a list

Guys, this is the best weekend ever.  I'll write about it at length on Monday or something when the buzz has worn down a bit but for now I just want to frolick in this joy and adrenaline, and anyway, I'm busy. So, another copout post, but I promise it's enjoyable.

I love you, I love him, I'm going to have another great day/night and I hope you do too.

listfully yours,
xoxo tess

Friday, August 6, 2010

a list on JOHN MAYER DAY

I'm going to see John Mayer tonight, which is beautiful. An outdoor John Mayer show on a beautiful night is the exact tangible translation of summer to me, and I am positively giddy to see my boy again. I am too excited to write about anything other than how excited I am and I don't pretend to think that anyone will find that interesting, and anyway I need to conserve my energy for massive fan-girling, and so I leave you with this.


peace, babydolls.

listfully yours,
xoxo tess

Thursday, August 5, 2010

a list about inappropriate dreaming

It's going to be another fairly busy day (seriously, whose life am I living right now?) so I decided to get my blog out of the way while I have some down time this morning. So hey there friends, how's life?
  • This morning has just been one of those mornings where everything and everyone seems to be set out to aggrivate me. We're out of coffee, all we have in this house is de-caf. What the hell am I supposed to do with that?
  • I'm really ready to start school again. I feel like this month is a sort of limbo, that while not entirely unpleasant, is one that I'm more than ready to be rid of. I want to move forward with my life already, meng.
  • John Mayer tomorrow. John Mayer TOMORROW, kids! Joy to the world!!
  • I'm wearin' a dress today. Signs of a good day.
  • I had the most embarrassing dream last night. Like, I'm mortified because it proves just what a creepy little loser I am, and the fact that I am going to exploit this story for my blog proves that I will do anything for a laugh. I had a fairly graphic, entirely out of the blue, and inappropriate sexual dream about sweet little Charlie McDonnell. I know, I know, I'M SORRY! It's not like I'm proud of this, okay guys! (although it was a good dream...Ha) I don't know where it came from, because first of all, I don't think I've watched a Charlieissocoollike video in forever (although after this dream I did get up and feel inspired to watch "Duet with Myself" and feel utterly uncomfortable). And, of course, by the nature of my freakishly realistic lucid dreams I woke up really confused and  convinced that it had been real. Gah, I need help.
  • I'm still eating those caramels but owwwww they're hurting my teeth. It's like I'm plowing through them now not because I want to but because I spent four dollars on this bag and I refuse to have it proven a waste.
  • Family party thing tonight to celebrate my aunt's homecoming. Should be a real freak show great time.
  • If my dog doesn't stop barking right now he is not long for this world. Ugh, gotta go silence the beast. Peace.
Have a nice day kittens, and I hope you'll be back to read my post tomorrow.

listfully yours,
xoxo tess

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

a list for August 4th

Hello friends! Today is almost over and I am just now getting a chance to write this blog because I've been out and about all day, and when I finally did get home my laptop would not connect to my wireless for some reason and my lovely (read: in an incredibly annoying phase) thirteen-year old sister was (and probably had been all night) hogging the desktop. I've finally managed to wrench her away, though, so here goes a quick post!
  • First of all, PROP 8 DECLARED UNCONSTITUTIONAL!!! Yay! I couldn't be happier with this news, it's such an important step in the right direction. The right direction of course, being equality for ALL <3
  • On that same topic (ish,) I had something resembling an argument with the boyfriend of a friend of a friend, so basically a stranger, because he said it was "weird" that I was a straight girl who cared  so much about gay marriage, and that it probably meant I was a closeted lesbian. Now, let me just clear on thing up, I'm not offended that he suggested I could be gay. I happen not to be, but as there is nothing wrong with being gay, there's really no insult there. What DOES offend me, however, is that someone thinks that straight people should not care about whether or not gay couples are treated equally under the law and allowed to have their relationships recognized through marriage. That mindset is completely baffling to my left of left wing, come as you are, peace & love man, kumbaya, belief system, and while I know that not everyone thinks that way, and that I shouldn't expect them to, to be completely inconsiderate like that makes no sense to me. Allow me to break it down --- Equality MATTERS. In every single possible sense of the word. No one should be made to feel less than or inferior because of their race, their gender, their sexuality, or even for something as immaterial as their freaking taste in music or whatever it may be. We all deserve to be treated the same, end of story. I like men, I'm attracted to men, my only experiences of this nature were with men, but what does that really mean? So, I'm straight. Whatever. Does that change who I am as a person? Is that essential to my identity? No, not really, when you think about it closely, and neither is being gay. I'm not into labels, I think life is about being open and free and letting the world in. The only way to really experience something is to let it take a hold of you, to let it go over your body like a wave and consume you entirely, let it shake your very core, and that doesn't happen when your busy hiding away in labels and stereotypes and rules. We're all just people, people trying to make it in a difficult world, people trying to get love, and give love, and feel love, and know love. It's hard for everyone, but it makes it infinitely harder when society tries to tell someone that they way they live their life is wrong. That's what is so fundamentally wrong with laws like Prop 8, with the fact that gay marriage is not legal, with the fact that "gay marriage" even has to be discussed, or that it even needs to be a term. All love is created equal, and so all marriage should be too. This isn't me coming out or anything, the point is really just the opposite.* The point is that it's really not about being straight or gay at all, it's about acceptance. It's about changing the way we look at the world, at relationships, at gender roles, at sexuality and at marriage, and realizing that what matters is love and acceptance. Having an open heart and an open mind are the key to happiness, and they are also the key to conquering hatred and seeing Equality prevail. **
  • I ate a bowl of Special K for every meal today. I don't know why, that's just how the day went. And like half a bag of sugar free caramels. You know, like the kind they make for people with Diabetes. They're sensational and guilt-free.
  • Ramona and Beezus is an absolutely darling movie, if a slightly less energetic interpretation of the books than I would perhaps have liked, and I wholeheartedly suggest that you (assuming you are a girl, and that you're about my age, I guess, but really no matter who you are,) grab your mom or your grandma or your sister or all of them and trot off for some sugar-sweet girl time. It's cuuuuuuuute. 
  • John Mayer on Friday. John Mayer on Friday. John Mayer on Friday. The excitement in my body is increasing cell by cell and I think it will actually have reached a dangerous level by tomorrow afternoon.
  • I bought some new sandals today and they're pretty and comfy and were cheap as hell. Success.
  • I also bought four books tonight. Oops. Did I mention that I'm broke as hell? Yeeeah. But hey, they were on clearance!
  • The Hunger Games. That is all I will say at this point because I have finally submitted to the pressure from every angle and picked this series up, and I intend to dedicate an entire post to my thoughts once I've finished the second one (which will be, most likely, tonight.) But OMG.
Welp, I'm going to go paint my nails and then hit the hay. I've been incredibly sleepy all the time lately, further evidence that I really need to catch up on my ZZZs once and for all. My clock's all screwy, or something like that.

Thursday is my favorite day of the week, I hope we all have an awesome one.

listfully yours,
xoxo tess

*Okay let's be serious, I've totally lost whatever "point" I was working to explain when I started. But I hope you guys get what I was trying to say. Love doesn't discriminate so neither should we! <3
** I just wrote this freely and I'm way too tired to edit it. I am confident that it does not express what I want to say anywhere near as eloquently or effectively as I would like, but I hope the basic message gets across. Maybe I'll flesh out my feelings on this topic a bit more another time. G'night.

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

a list of questions about Harry Potter

This is not really a list.
This is also not really a blog.
This, my friends, is what the french call "Le Cop-out" *
This is also a Harry Potter survey. Enjoy.

1. If you went to Hogwarts, which house would you be sorted in? I'd like to say Gryffindor but I don't know, probably Raveclaw, which would be okay.

2. Have you ever been to a Harry Potter midnight release? Oh yes. Midnight Harry Potter releases are my favorite ever and I miss them. I went to the midnight release of every book from Goblet of Fire on. At the Deathly Hallows release the store was so packed that they had to shut off the escalators and tell people to climb them back up to the second level because there was literally no room for them to get off at the bottom, and a woman fell on her face climbing back up and my sister and I, because we are terrible people, have yet to stop talking about it. But trust me, it was hysterical.

3. What did you think of Deathly Hallows? Beautiful, heartbreaking, mostly fulfilling, painful, wonderful, the end of an era.

 4. How many times have you reread the books? I've reread Half Blood Prince probably a dozen times. The rest maybe two or three times all the way through, but I've gone back to certain segments of all the various books many, many times.

5. Whose death was the saddest? Dumbledore. Snape. Hedwig. Tonks and Remus. Cedric Diggory, particularly his parents' reaction. Freddddd :( I also really lost it over the scene when Charity Burbage is murdered at the Malfoy's home in the beginning of Deathly Hallows. Not because I had any particular attachment to her but just because it was such a horrific scene and because Draco was so upset watching it... I cried the most over Snape, I think.

 6. If you went to Hogwarts, would you rather have a pet owl, cat, or rat? An owl, obviously.

7. What did you think of the movie Half-Blood Prince? It was great. The best of the movies, aside maybe from Sorcerer's Stone, which I love because I think it was the most visually true to the way I envision these books, and because the actors were so. freaking. perfect. in their roles when they were younger. (Not that they aren't good in their parts now, they are, but physically they were just so spot on as eleven year olds.)

 8. What do you think of Deathly Hallows being split in half? It's a great decision because there is just so much plot and I'd like them to keep as much in the film as possible. That being said, I don't know what I am going to do with myself when the first film is over and I have to wait months for the second half.

9. Have you read The Tales of Beedle the Bard? Yup! I greedily eat up anything HP related.

10. When did you first become a Harry Potter fan? I read the Sorcerer's Stone in about two days when I was seven years old and when it ended I went into a desperate frenzy and dragged my mother to the bookstore to find the second one, which thankfully had just been released that summer. It's been an important part of my life everyday since.


Female Character? Luna Luna Luna Luna <3

Male Character? Snape, Draco, Lupin, Hagrid, Fred & George. Dean Thomas for being hot.

Professor? SNAPE. with McGonagall as a close second.

Death Eater? Bella-ella-ella ey ey.

Magical Creature? Hippogriffs!

Spell? Expecto Patronum.

Quote? "He must have known I'd want to leave you." "No, he must have known you would always want to come back." <3

Book? Half Blood Prince.

Movie? Half Blood Prince, so far.

Hogwarts House? Gryffindor!

Place? Hogwarts.

Weasley? I love 'em all.

Couple? Ron and Hermione. Duh.

This or That
Gryffindor or Slytherin? Gryffindor.

Ravenclaw or Hufflepuff? Ravenclaw.


Ginny or Luna? Luna!

Butterbeer or Firewhiskey? Butterbeer

Hogsmeade or Diagon Alley? Diagon Alley.

Books or Movies? Books.

Half-Blood Prince or Deathly Hallows? Eek. I say that Half-Blood is my favorite of the books, and it is, it really is, but it's hard to choose anything over Deathly Hallows. So I plead the fifth.

Sorcerer’s Stone or Chamber of Secrets? Chamber of Secrets. I loved Sorcerer's Stone but I LOVED Chamber of Secrets. That book sealed my fate as a Harry Potter fan.

Snape or Slughorn? Snaaaaape

Lupin or Sirius? Lupin. But I heart Sirius, too.

Harry/Ginny or Harry/Hermione? Harry/Ginny. I don't even really care about that pairing and I don't love Ginny but never Harry/Hermione. Never.

Lavender Brown or Parvati Patil? Parvati

Seamus Finnigan or Dean Thomas? Dean Thomas! Hot.

Kreacher or Dobby? Dobby

Muggleborn or Pureblood? "Mudblood, and proud of it!"

Dan Radcliffe or Rupert Grint? Tom Felton.

Bellatrix Lestrange or Narcissa Malfoy? Bellatrix.

Voldemort or Tom Riddle? Tom Riddle was dreamy.

Hedwig or Crookshanks? Hedwig <3

*didja see that thinly veiled Home Alone reference?( "you are what the French call "les incompetent" )Oh, Macaulay.**
** I just had to use Google to figure out the correct spelling of Macaulay.

Happy Tuesday!
listfully yours,
xoxo tess

Monday, August 2, 2010

a list from Borders

Today has been a really busy day which is quite unusual for someone who has basically been nothing short of sloth-like for the last two months. From work, to an appointment to a second interview, to the mall, and now, gratefully, to Borders where I am sipping on a Seattle's Best (my favorite) iced latte that is my first sustenance of the day and taking advantage of the wifi.

  • I have a new job. Today I became an official member of the Cracker Barrell family. Yeah...there really isn't anything to say about that. I have my own brown smock and a name badge and everything. It's very glamorous and I will be filling a very important position... 
  • I met with a new therapist for the first time this afternoon. I don't like to talk about therapy very much because I don't want to become one of those people who can't get through a conversation without referring to something their shrink mentioned the last time they were on the couch. They're either being needy, self absorbed, or petulant, but probably all three, and those are not things I am interested in being, but I am someone who has pretty extensive experience in the area so every now and then the topic comes up. Once a month I see a therapist who specializes in eating disorders. Her name is Jane and she is literally the coolest woman in the world. She has long, gorgeous red hair and listens to Interpol and isn't going to marry her fiance until we have marriage equality in this country, which is rad, but most importantly she has a sense of humor and she doesn't take any of my bullshit.  I probably have something of a girl crush on her, and in the three years since our first appointment our relationship has become a lot more like older sister and younger sister than doctor and patient. What we do at this point is mostly a friendly check in to see how things are going as far as EDNOS (eating disorder not otherwise specified) and with life in general, but because she is so busy it was suggested that I find a regular therapist to see more regularly, a process which has proven much easier said than done. Over the last three years I've tested the waters with six different psychologists, but none of them have ever really worked out. The problem is that I've already been treated, I'm really just looking for someone to talk to. I don't really need to be fixed, I just want everything laid out so I can see it. There was the overly exuberant, way too pretty, young Dr. Lindsay (who actually referred to herself as Dr. Lindsay. Ugh.) I hated her right off the bat and only sat through two sessions before calling the whole thing off. Next I had weekly sessions for five months time with a grandmotherly woman who was frankly just too wishy-washy for my taste. A young male doctor who was too nervous to talk about body issues or sex, a woman who spoke to me like I was six years old, and an adolescent therapist who termed me "impossible to work with," and that brings us to today's victim. His name is Maury and he is about as cuddly and sweet as they come, which isn't really my type when it comes to shrinks. He is adorable, though. Mid thirties, a big, but entirely nonthreatening sort of guy with a round jolly face and a crinkly-eyed smile.He poured me some water in a mug from is Alma Mater, Boston University, and took copious notes. I only gave him the PG version of my back story because there's no use putting all of my cards on the table at this stage in the game. We talked about books, mostly, and I intimidated him with the fact that I worked my way through David Foster Wallace's Infinite Jest on sheer will power when I was thirteen. He has yet to finish it after a ten year struggle and thinks Wallace could stand to be less wordy. Needless to say that comment lost him so points with me, but he really was very nice, and maybe even good at his job. It's hard to tell with the first session. I'm not sold, but he's getting another shot next week. It would be nice to be able to set a routine with someone, so I would like for this fit to work.
  • I'm wearing those Miley jeans.
  • And a Miley top as well. Go you, you little Wal Mart shopper.
  •  The 2011 planners are on sale here at Borders. Oh, such nerd joy. I can't even begin to explain how much I love new school supplies/notebook/journals. This is sort of thrilling...
  • I should have left to go pick my mom up from work about ten minutes ago. Agh, gotta go!

listfully yours,
xoxo tess

Sunday, August 1, 2010

a list about how I am going to write more lists

Well...remember when I said I was going to get myself back into blogging last month? That certainly went well...

But anyway, it's time to let bygones be bygones and move on to August! I love August! July is sort of like no man's land but August is, pure, sticky, sweaty summer, and you enjoy every second of it because September has become visible on the horizon. I meant to start this month off with a sensationally witty, well written post...but then I had one of the most ridiculous night's out that I can ever remember and woke up at about noon feeling like I might literally die. I've recovered a bit since then, although I will never recover the brain cells I murdered, but I'm still hung over and sunburned and certainly not on my A game. Sorry. Better luck tomorrow? Here's a random list about what I have going on in my life in August.
  •  My aunt Megan will be here tomorrow for a month long visit! Meg lives in London and I don't see her nearly often enough so this is very, very, exciting. This also means that I get to see her little boy, my baby cousin, Oliver, for the first time since March. He's only ten months old so just imagine how different he'll be! Skype & Facebook are not efficient for keeping up with all of his baby- changes and growth and I don't like it. 
  • Guys...I'm buying a car. My very own car that I can drive whenever and wherever I want. Just saying (well, typing) those words makes me feel very grown up.
  • I went on a complete SPREE at Wal Mart yesterday and took home fifty dollars worth of stylish, quality garments from the Miley Cyrus line. I'm not even being sarcastic, her stuff is really damn cute. Got a pair of black jeans that make my butt look nice for SEVEN DOLLARS! That, my friends, is why I love America. Tawainese children may have slaved over those pants until their fingers fell off but I'll be damned if that's gonna stop me from celebrating that fabulous bargain. And I am going to wear the shit out of those pants and look good doing it. Among the rest of my loot was a zebra print bikini. Yup, you read that right. The more I shop from this clothing line the more I think Miley and I could be best friends. I mean, she was also responsible for these which are indeed blue leopard print leggings. And, just in case you were wondering, I did purchase those because they looked like something Mimi Marquez might wear. And I do tell people that whenever I deem it socially appropriate to wear them. Which, amazingly, has been several times.
  • For whatever reason I have been listening to On to the Next One - Jay - Z featuring Swiz Beats like it's my job. That's a mo' effin jam.
  • Emily and I layed out all afternoon and now I'm sunstroked and overheated BUT the tan lines on my neck/chest are a little more pronounced and I won't say that I don't like that.
  • So, like, ummmm I have a life plan now. So, I flaked out on college last year. The school wasn't for me, true, but I'd be lying if I said I gave it the effort/chance it deserved. I let a lot of outside stuff and my own general craziness get in the way of succeeding, but no more. I'm going to work insanely hard to get all the credits I need to leave community college with an associate's degree by the end of the year and then transfer to UMass where I will continue my hard work and double major in Communications and Sociology and possibly minor in Writing as well (that might be biting off more than I can chew, though, and I really do hate overachievers.) I want to write a whole post on all this so I won't go on and on like I do about everything, but I'm really excited. I think I can do this, and I think it's going to be good.
  • Ummmm it's almost time for True Blood. PRAISEHOSANAH!

Well, well, well, that's all lovers.
oh my god. What am I. I need to go to bed right now, I've lost it. Bye.

listfully yours,
xoxo tess