Thursday, August 12, 2010

a list of ways Tess is exploding all over the place

Okay. Okay. OKAY.
I have tried to right like six different lists for tonight's blog post and nothing is working. I've tried to be witty. I've tried to be unflinchingly honest. I've tried to be quirky. I've even tried to just be run of the mill and boring.  I'd take anything, but I've got nothing. I went personal, I went silly, and it was all useless and it all made me want to puke and so here is the best I have for you...spewed brain matter, more or less.Things are going a little crazy in my life right now, I am going a little crazy right now, and I'm just feeling as if I've split into a thousand pieces and those pieces are flying out in every direction and scattering  all over the place, and this is not particularly pleasant state of mind, nor one that is very conducive to productivity. All I want to do right now is hide under the covers and wait for the pieces to collect themselves, but that's not the way to get through things, so I am just going to apologize ahead of time for my chaos and my mess, and then I am going to type in a "stream of conciousness" sort of way about things that do not pertain in anyway to each other, not read or edit at all, post it, and never look back. And then I am going to go wash down ten E.L. Fudge cookies with a can of diet coke, stand in the shower until the water goes icy,  and then flop into my bed to hide until I'm due at work tomorrow morning.
  •  Every time I listen to this song  I end up crying for a good hour afterwards, and while, yes, I am emotionally unstable and therefore you will probably not feel quite so moved, it is very heartbreaking.
  • The highlight of my day was bonding with a spectacularly articulate six year old girl at work over our mutual adoration for...candy corn. Yeah. She was fantastic, though. I was the one steering the coversation toward candy, she probably could have told me the meaning of life if I'd thought to ask.
  • People. I am going to see THE JONAS BROTHERS tomorrow. and DEMI LOVATO. and CAMP ROCK FRIENDS live in concert tomorrow night. Honestly. What is my life? *
  • Venti iced americanos from Starbucks with three splenda and a little dash of the vanilla powder that they leave out on the cream/sugar cart thing. The best antidote to 8 AM.
  •  I'm sitting in my room in a tank top and a bikini bottom, surrounded by piles of clothing and books and various other crap because a) I am really, really overheated for some reason and b) I can't organize anything to save my life. I sat right here earlier tonight eating Raisin Bran out of a mug for dinner and rereading favorite passages from favorite books and painting my nails with my tackiest fire engine red and then I forced myself up and tried to begin sorting through my four buckets of shoes and got overwhelmed and sweaty and panicky because there are too many shoes and not enough space for them all but I can't part with a single pair and on a normal day it's doesn't really matter, and I can figure it out but today I am not a functioning person and so I drank three glasses of lemonade and counted my steps as I paced the kitchen and then someway or another I ended up back in bed. I am doing well for myself...
  • I love sending really carefully thought out, heartfelt messages to someone and receiving one word responses. Really great for the ego and the heart and the mind and the feelings and the psyche and all that jazz.
  • I am embarrassing myself. Sorry. Not feeling so graceful with the words this evening. Not to suggest that I ever really am, but I try. Not trying now. Blah. Sorry, I'm being melodramatic. I swear, I swear it's all cool. This is just how I get sometimes, I just usually don't blog on those days because I am more or less useless. I journal like nobody's business but those are hectic, nervous, private words that I don't share with anyone and seldom even read over again myself. Or I write fiction. Fiction pours of out of me when I'm feeling particularly nutso like this, but writing about myself becomes particularly difficult, and making my prose anything resembling charming is an impossibility.
Seven is my favorite number, see you tomorrow.

listfully yours.
xo tess

*I am taking my sister. Very conveniently, one of my best friends has a little sister Lara's age. And even more conveneintly, they're basically obsessed with each other, which works out well for sisterly outings.  It will be fun, I'm not actually dreading it at all, it's just not that only now is the absurdity of being an eighteen year old at a Jonas Brothers concert, particuarly being THIS eighteen year old at a Jonas Brothers concert, really setting in. But oh well. I'm sure it will be entertaining, if nothing else. And Lara will love it, which is all that really matters.

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