Thursday, April 29, 2010

a list about how I have no time to make any lists

I hate that I haven't blogged in so long but I've just been having a bit of a nervous breakdown this big deal. Ha ha. It's the last week of classes and I am basically doing poorly in almost everything, which is completely embarrassing. I did this to myself, and yet I'm sitting here acting like it is some kind of unexplainable tragedy. Basically I'm just in a little bit of dark mode this week. I don't know what I'm going to do with myself and that terrifies me. I need to figure a lot of stuff out and I can't seem to get down to the figuring, I just sit and obsess until I my breathing speeds up and I need to find some kind of distraction just to get my anxiety down to a manageable level. Everything's kinda fucked. None of that is really a reason that I couldn't blog, but I have just been feeling too overwhelmed lately to do anything productive. I'm hoping that I'll turn it around this summer. I just need to get out of here. I'm sitting in the library trying to write essays and revise projects and it's all important but I just can't wrap my mind around any of it enough to get anything done. I feel nauseous. Ugh. I don't know I don't know I don't know.
  • I made a tumblr because I really needed one more way to waste time.
  • I have never been so goddamn excited to leave somewhere as I am to leave school right now, and I feel sort of bad about it. All of my friends are sad about packing up their rooms and saying tearful goodbyes, but me, the one who is never coming back here again? I could have my stuff thrown together and be out the door in a heartbeat without any inclination to look back.
  • Ummmm, I met Megan McCafferty last week. (!!!) I keep kind of forgetting that that happened. But it definitely did. And it was definitely awesome. She sang Barryoke and read us a story from her first grade notebook about dancing vegetables and it's one of the most purely happy experiences in my recent memory.
  • My Adam Lambert obsession is beginning to border on truly inappropriate.
  • ...yeah, I don't know why that just happened either....
  • It was lines from Rent, just to clear that up. Doesn't explain why it was included though, because there isn't a way for me to do that.
  • And speaking of Rent, I just recently introduced my friends from school to the Rent Filmed Live on Broadway DVD (which everyone should check out if they have not already. It's wonderful) and I was reminded once again of how disappointing Roger's song is. I mean, the guy spent a YEAR of his life working on his "one great song" and guess what? It kinda sucks.
  • I want a new coral-y nail polish. The one I loved last summer seems a little too orangey for my taste now.
  • bahahaha what is my life
  • Oh, speaking of the ridiculous extended practical joke that is my life, a girl vomited on the floor in my school's student lounge yesterday. Yes. Really. She literally just stood up, puked, and then, with a understandably mortified expression on her face, grabbed all her crap and peaced out of there. WHAT?! WHAT?! Sometimes I am simply dumbfounded by the things that I witness. Like when I saw someone clipping their nails in public TWICE in one week. God.
  • I must do some work now. Goodbye, darlings.
listfully yours,
xoxo tess

oh and p.s: THIS IS AWESOME

all credit for this masterpiece goes to the sensational Hayley G Hoover.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

a list about Glee!!


I have no words for how much I loved tonight's episode of Glee. * It was so absolutely wonderful that I am still walking on a high from it's fabulousity, I thought I'd jot down a list of reasons this particular episode was so great.
  • Any episode that opens with Sue's journaling is bound for greatness. "Madonna. Just saying the world makes me feel powerful." Perfect, setting the tone for a top notch episode.
  • I am eating up the Jesse St. James storyline with a spoon, and not just because I went into it predisposed to loving everything that Jonathan Groff does. He is doing such a fantastic job with this character so far, and his natural sweetness and charisma really shine through, because otherwise, Jesse would be a total skeez. With adorable Groffy at the reins, you can't help but find him dreamy, even as he's screwing over our darling Rachel.
  • There is literally no critique of Glee that you could throw at me that I'll find any merit in. I'm not saying it's perfect, but I just think it's such a precious little show, such a fun, campy, joyful creation, that little writing problems or various nitpicking issues that I would normally have with any show I watch just don't apply here for me. I think Glee is best when you just enjoy it, accept the campiness and just let it all wash over you. That's the way I like to watch, and the way I will continue to watch. Glee makes me really happy and I'm done trying to justify that to people. (aaaand that concludes this mini rant)
  • Because I'm starting to pretty seriously ship Jesse/Rachel, if only to keep Jon around longer.
  • Kurt's portion of "Like A Prayer" was one of the most wonderful things I have ever heard in my life.
  • Brittany continues to be given the absolute best lines I have ever heard. And she kills it every single time. Love that girl. On a show where I could complain about the writing QUITE A BIT, whoever is writing for Brittany is a true stand out. (actually, all the dialogue is pretty great, the story lines could just use some tightening)
  • "Mercedes is black. I'm gay. We make a culture." YES YES YES
  • I thought the Borderline/Open Your Heart mashup was a little forced and corny (but still cute) and I found myself paying more attention to the various Madonna costume clad students that were hanging around in the halls than to Rachel and Finn as they did their signature skip around while singing inches from eachother's faces. They kind of bore me. They're adorable and I guess I want them together but I don't know...I really really love Rachel (a rare opinion, I know) and I just think she can do better than that dumb, though darling, lug.
  • Because I was fangirling over Groff and Lea during "Like a Virgin." Embarrassing? Yup. Do I care? Not at all.
  • LEA'S VOCALS AT THE OPENING OF LIKE A PRAYER!!! Oh my lord. This girl never ceases to amaze me. Her voice is always frighteningly close to perfection but this first verse was sinfully beautiful.
  • My crush on Artie is ridiculous.
  • This episode was way too showy and flashy for my personal taste, not enough heart, and not my favorite episode by any means, but it was still kind of wonderful in it's own ways, and SO much better than last week's atrocity. Mr. Shue was way less of a douche this week.
  • This show just warms my little theatre nerd heart, okay?! JUST LET ME HAVE THIS.

listfully yours,
xoxo tess

*lies, clearly all lies.

Monday, April 19, 2010

a list of zero importance to anyone

I am currently sporting blue leopard print leggings (very Mimi Marquez!), a giant bruins hoodie, and pig tails. Lookin' goooood. It's been a long, lazy sort of day, just hanging around my house not doing much of anything other than attacking the massive mound of laundry I brought home from school and continuing to work on arranging all of the books, dvds, and the like that I packed up and moved out of my dorm room on friday into their proper position in my room. I'm way too excited to have my room back the way I like it, without having all of my things in all different places. I have to say, I am beyond thrilled at the prospect of leaving and not going back (except to visit my lovelies!!!) I'm not going to miss anything other than the awesome friends I've made, and since I plan on seeing them so often they're sick of looking at my face, that won't be a problem. I don't know exactly what the next phase of my life is going to be, but I am excited for it. Part of me wishes I didn't have to go back to school tomorrow, or at all, but I'll get to have lots of play time with my girlies before what I know will be a melodramatic goodbye, so it's worth waiting a few more weeks to be done there for good.

The following is just, I don't know...some stuff:
  • I bought a new nail polish* yesterday which I am IN LOVE with. It's called Jade is the New Black by OPI and it's rad. it's a massively pretty sort of soft, creamy green that I am enjoying very much. I painted my nails with it last night and used two coats, and I think tomorrow I'm probably take it off and repaint with just one coat (plus top coat) to see what it looks like.
  • I've spent the last two hours sitting on a yoga ball in front of this computer watching The Battery's Down. It is an amazingly funny webshow about trying to make it as an actor in New York that everyone, but especially musical theatre geeks like myself, should check out. Jake Wilson is a genius. These are my people. It's glorious. Go watch right now.
  • also, please google Very Mary-Kate. another fantastic web series. The episodes are super short, but amazingly jampacked with hilariousness.
  • I want to grow my hair over the summer so that I can hack it all off right before school starts and feel like a whole new woman.
  • I think that my obsession with David Foster Wallace has taken a turn towards the creepy and inappropriate end of the spectrum. You know...because he killed himself. And I love everything about him, particularly how completely unhappy he was. His unhappiness was such a part of his genius!
  • I want to be a youtube star. I may start a vlog/webseries? Hahah...probably not.
  • I invested like a half of an hour of my life today to finding the right image of a NYC subway map to use as my twitter background. I'm really doing a lot with myself...
  • I watched two episodes of US of Tara this morning. What the EFF is going on? I am really unhappy about the Buck storyline right now. (p.s: when did Joey Lauren Adams get so, well to be frank, old and haggard looking? She's been one of Hollywood's go to best friends for years, but with a face like that she won't be. Where did the cute girl from Big Daddy go?) I already love Shoshanna, though. Any Tara fans?
  • I visited Alyssa at Smith last night which was lovely. I've missed that little lady, even though she did dare to state, in the presence of the world's biggest (only) Lindsay Lohan fan, that she thinks my girl LiLo will be dead by the end of the year. Rude.
  • We're going to dye Kelly's hair with blue koolaid at school this week, because that is the kind of serious intellectual pursuits we dedicate our time to. I'm pumped.
  • I'm ready for school to be overoverover.
  • I have decided to make an active effort to be more outgoing, more of a go getter, and more of a people person.
  • I also decided to make an active effort to watch all six Saw films in a row.
  • Recently I have been listening to only the Rent songs that mainly center around and feature Angel and Collins. Like, I've probably listened to You Okay, Honey? , I'll Cover You, Santa Fe, I'll Cover You (reprise), and Halloween liiiiike, 100 times today. problems.
  • I applied for a job at Cumberland Farms today. Hah.
you're lovely. but not as lovely as this.

listfully yours,
xoxo tess

*shocking, I know.

Thursday, April 15, 2010

a list of reasons I want to have Adam Lambert's babies

This post is going to be pointless and incoherent ( I love how I always preface my blogs with an apology for their low quality, as if anyone is going to expect any better from me.) I just spent the night with Katie and Sara eating our friend Kelly's food while she was off at the library being a good student, and waiting impatiently for Ryan Seacrest to finally shut up and bring out Adam Lambert to perform so I could basically orgasm all over the place. Too much? Sorry. I am obsessed, though. I don't really like American Idol, and until last year I had never followed a season loyally, but that all changed when I happened to pause on Fox during the early audition rounds of the show long enough to see one Mr. Lambert. I was immediately intrigued by his guyliner, immaculately coiffed hair, and awe inspiring vocals. (THOSE SCREAMS. oh my god.) I can't explain this fascination at all, because it is so NOT ME, but I was completely taken with him from that moment on, and my devotion hasn't waned at all since. I think I nearly blew out a pupil in fit of rage when he was somehow beaten by Kris Allen in the finale (Seriously, America?) but really, my man doesn't need to win AI...he's perfect already :) I'm tired, but slightly giddy from a) Adam's performance b) the fun of vehemently defending everything about Glammy to as less than convinced Sara.

  • He's dreamy.
  • He's confident.
  • He swivels those hips onstage in a way only Elvis could have rivaled.
  • because he is who he is, no pulled punches, no false pretenses. love it.
  • He can genuinely sing. REALLY sing.
  • He's really sweet and adorable in interviews.
  • He was chubby in high school.
  • Because (no offense to any lovely redheads out there!) he is a ginger boy who was smart enough to start dyeing his hair.
  • He looks better in makeup than I do.
  • Cuz boy is fiiiieeerce.
  • Because I always have crushes on gay guys. Ugh.
  • His album is outstandingly good, a perfect example of what pop music should be (If I had you, Fever, Sleepwalker, and Whataya Want from me are my very favorites!)
  • He is awesome live, and I can't wait to see him on tour this summer!!!
  • He is insanely sexy. I know I am not the only one (male or female!) who feels this way.
I dunno. I may write a blog about Glee soon, or maybe save it til after the Madonna episode, because quite frankly I was disappointed by this last episode. Jonathan Groff was every bit as superb as I knew he would be, but a lot of the plot felt contrived and boring, and I didn't even love the performances (Groff and Lea's "Hello" was beautiful, and I liked "gives you hell" but "hello, goodbye" at the end was god awful) Pick it up next week, kids. Groffykins, stay perfect.

listfully yours,
xoxo tess

Monday, April 12, 2010

a list of summer goals

I have some aspirations for this summer:
  • run 4 miles, 4 times per week.
  • reread the Harry Potter series again from start to finish.
  • see Next to Normal on Broadway
  • figure out some shizzzz
  • see Germ, Katie, and Sara A LOT. sisterhood of the traveling bracelet <3>
  • spend a significant amount of time in my backyard with my sister, on the trampoline and in the pool, listening to Glee and eating popsicles.
  • write more, write more, write more.
  • skinny dip, just 'cause.
  • do lots of fun things with my favorite people, who I've been missing lots and lots all year long.
  • plan my next trip to visit Megs in London.
  • eat large quantities of watermelon
  • take my dog on extravagantly long walks
  • be more open and honest
  • watch the last season of Ugly Betty
  • get a new job (one that I actually like would be excellent)
  • get my rook pierced
  • have lots of fun (generic, but I really want to make sure this happens. sick of wasting time)
  • meet Jonathan Groff again. I just feel like it's about time we were reunited.
  • go to lots of concerts/shows!
  • spend a lot of time out in the sun (with sunscreen)
  • do well in my science course that I'll be taking.
  • spend less time on the computer
  • be adventurous

I'm looking forward to an excellent summer, I hope you are too.

listfully yours,
xoxo tess

Sunday, April 11, 2010

a list of things I want to accomplish by April 11th 2011

I have a pretty good life, and I really shouldn't complain as much as I tend to, but oh well, I have high standards. It has been determined that if I can make the following things happen over the next year of my life, I will be exponentially happier. There is scientific evidence to this effect. Also, they are just useful things that could help me be a better, more generally successful human.

so without further ado, here is a list of things I will have done by 4/11/11
  • Visit Megan and Oliver in London again.
  • See Hair in the West End.
  • Take trips to New York with Melissa.
  • One particular New York trip will be on June 20th (Jonathan Groff @ Joe's Pub)
  • Get my mile time under 8 minutes again.
  • Lose 20 lbs/be a size 6
  • Read a lot of books (list forthcoming)
  • tie dyed sheets
  • watched all the Saw movies back to back to back to back to back to back to back
  • Figured out exactly what it is that I am going to do with my life.
  • Moved forth with my plans to move to NYC.
  • Gotten a real life, genuine sun tan.
  • Write for the school paper.
  • Get in the habit of drinking more water.
  • Straighten my hair more/wear my hair down more often.
  • Be generally more confident.
  • Say what I mean, mean what I say.
  • put pink streaks in my hair just because I can.
  • Write more.
  • Eat less carbs
  • Eat more vegetables.
  • Conquer the Vermonter
  • Have a Tom's shoes decorating party!
  • Get a job and start saving up money.
  • Buy a Macbook.
  • have gained a significant amount of ground on that damn novel.
  • go see Promises, Promises in New York and meet Kristin Chenoweth and Sean Hayes (!!)
  • Finish LOST
  • watch all of Twin Peaks, Party Down, True Blood, Mad Men, and Arrested Development
  • Reread the entire Harry Potter series
  • Have a Mary Kate and Ashley movie marathon
  • jump on my trampoline more
  • spend more time with my brother
  • be more outgoing
  • Spent time figuring out what really will make me happy, and doing what it takes to make that happen, despite what other people might want.
  • perfect my cartwheel, finally.
  • grow closer to being the person I really want to be.
  • Wear more dresses
listfully yours,
xoxo tess

a list of my March favorites

I love making lists of things that I like because it helps me realize how truly awesome my life is, and how blessed I am, even when I really, really don't feel that way, so this is a list of things that were my favorite about/during March. I think I'll start doing this each month because it's fun.

  • LOST! I'm still catching up, it's taking longer than expected because I keeping getting bogged down in other crap but it is the most awesome show ever, and I will finish up soon.
  • this video Jonathan Groff, you will always be my favorite person in the world, and I absolutely can not wait to have you on my television, not to mention reunited with Diva Lea in a mere two days!!!!
  • Vive Pro Nutrigloss shampoo. It comes in a cute, big, pink bottle, and it makes my hair really soft and much more manageable Plus it has this really nice, clean non scenty sort of scent that I adore.
  • OPI Princesses Rule, OPI Absolutely Alice, and of course my standard Wet n Wild Wild Shine Black
  • The Departed. I watched it like five times over the month of March. It's one of my favorites anyway, but I have a sort of attachment between the film and St Patrick's Day, for the obvious reasons of it being about Boston and the Irish mob.
  • BDB Long Leggings from Urban Outfitters. They're fantastic and pretty cheap. Everyone should own a pair, or several.
  • She & Him Volume 2. Even though I think Zooey Deschanel sometimes gets a little too caught up in her own hipster cutesy-ness, she's pretty wonderful, and paired with M. Ward you really can't go wrong.
  • Parade Weekend.
  • the return of flip flop weather.
  • Nivea Kiss of Moisture chapstick. still the best, and in this "change of weather" -y month, it was a lifesaver for muh lipperz.
  • My Gilmore Girls complete series box set. I've been watching season 5 recently. Pure joy.
  • My trip to New York with my mom, baby sis, and aunt Kelley. I got to see Wicked, again.
  • getting to sit out in the grass with my friends again, finally! I love winter but I'm positively thrilled to be able to spend some time out in the sun.
  • Minute Maid Pink Lemonade
listfully yours,
xoxo tess

Monday, April 5, 2010

a list about food

I've always had a complicated relationship with food. It's been a largely negative presence for the majority of my life, something that I connect to feelings of painful self consciousness and a need for paralyzing, obsessive scrutinizing of my body. I don't remember a time before I felt "too fat," and even though I feel like I have in my recent life began to get a better grasp on those emotions, and take control of the toxic, abusive relationship I have had with eating for the last eighteen years, I know that it is something I will continue to struggle with for the rest of my life.

I have never really liked eating. Well, I mean obviously I like eating, in the sense that there are foods that I enjoy the taste of and, if I could do so without gaining weight, I would gobble them up greedily all of my days. My problem with eating has never been the food itself, but the affect that food can have over my body. When I look at an item of food, whether it’s an ice cream sundae, or a turkey dinner, or a plate of celery, I see calories, carbs, fat, enemies. It’s like there is a voice inside of my head that I can’t turn off, a voice that screams at me whenever I decided I might want to eat something. And then the two desires do battle within me, the desire to enjoy whatever the item of food in front of me happens to be, and the desire to lose weight, to not be fat, to not feel disgusting for hours because I had to eat that damn cupcake, or whatever. And no matter which way I go, which side wins the battle, I lose. I’ve gain ground in this war though, somehow, and I don’t think it will ever be over really, but maybe I’m getting closer to a stalemate, where the food nazi in my mind, the evil taskmaster that insists I am a fat, lazy, overeating heffer, a disgusting excuse for a person, the voice that would just as soon have me give up food all together, maybe someday that voice will fade into a whisper and let me live. It’s getting quieter already, and I believe, for the first time in awhile, that this is actually something I can do. I can change this, change me.

It got to an all time low in my high school years. I guess my own insecurities and body issues sky rocketed with puberty, and so my “food troubles,” as the least helpful of the three psychiatrists I’ve discussed these problems with, would refer to them as, went from a little problem that I worried about to being the most important and central part of my life. My desperate need to lose weight, my excruciating desire to feel thin enough, my wish to not have to drown in self hate, even for one single all overpowered me. And I became bulimic. And the next three years of my life became largely centered in trying to keep this practice up in order to lose weight, while simultaneously avoiding my new habit becoming known to those around me. I failed on both accounts, and I will deal with repercussions forever, I know. I’m growing and changing, and I’m better, I’m better, I’m better, but it’s not over, and I’m not perfect, or cured, or anything naive and silly like that. I’m just myself, whoever that is, and myself will always have to deal with this. It’s a disgusting, demeaning thing to do. I can’t explain the strange wave of shame intermingled with a sick sort of pride that would wash over me after each purge. In my bathroom, my parent's, the school restroom stalls, in vile public restrooms... I became obsessed. I began to try and mix this new hobby up with fasts and strict exercise regiments. And it worked, I suppose. I lost some weight. Not enough, not that any amount would have been “enough.” Not that I know what enough means. I never could have really lost weight that way, I know that logically. Physically I couldn’t have kept up at that pace much longer, and emotionally, I wasn’t keeping up at all. I was running on empty, dragging my lifeless self along on this dangerous quest for skinniness. I hate that I did that to myself, to my family. I hate that my little sister knows. I hate that I made my mother cry. I hate that sometimes it still seems like a good idea. But it’s a process, this recovery business, and I’m trying and trying, and I don’t know...I’ll be okay. But still, to put it very lightly, it isn’t pleasant, and I don’t recommend it.

This blog was intended to be a list of my favorite foods, and it will be, but as I was writing my list I felt like I would be a fraud, a complete asshat of a liar, if I didn’t at least make a passing attempt at addressing the position that food plays in my life, if I ignored the giant elephant in the room at is my eating disorder, a term I hate to think about and have rarely spoken outloud. So there it is (was.) Ineloquent and potentially nonsensical. Just some thoughts. I’m trying to be more open and honest, both with myself and others, to look at things for what they truly are, no bull shit. To look at my life like that. I think that is the only way I am ever going to really grow as a person, and figure out who I am, where I belong, and what I should be doing. There are so many things in my life that I want to straighten out, messes I need to clear away, obstacles that I have to make myself conquer, and I think that accepting my issues with food for what they are, a part of me, a part that isn’t going to go away, not ever, is an important part of that process. Sometimes I feel like I won’t ever be able to get myself together, like I’m just this collection of scattered odds and ends that even all aligned together can’t quite make up a real, functional purpose. But then I step back, take a breath, and promise to keep trying to figure out, if only because I know I’m too young to be so dramatic about the bleakness of my prospects. I’m a drama queen, I realize. So I move away from the problem...and watch some 30 Rock or make a list of my favorite foods...

Foods that I really love to eat (in theory, actuality complicates my feelings, but that’s been addressed above, so now let's just chat about tasty treats)

  • Special K fruit and yogurt. The one in the pretty purple box. So yummy.
  • Sour Patch Kids. need I say more? really? well then, you suck.
  • peanut butter, and most anything that contains it in some variation. my greatest weakness.
  • cheeeeeesecaaaaaake. especially New York style.
  • boneless buffalo wings from 99
  • cherry tomatoes
  • pistachios
  • Kay's cake. A bakery in my hometown that makes the best ever cake, cupcakes, donuts, and basically all pastry type goodness. Their frosting is literally to die for.
  • My aunt Kelley's trifle.
  • toast. I'm completely obsessed with toast, which I realize is fairly odd since bread baked over a little in a toaster is hardly a delicacy, but it's just my favorite food. I think any sandwich is better on toasted bread, and anyway, I'm a carboholic, so just a plain old slice of toasted bread is like nutrients for my soul. Especially if it's wheat and has cheap margarine on it. I'm weird, the faker the margarine tastes the more I love it.
  • grilled cheese. people who make me grilled cheese instantly become very dear to me, forever.
  • twizzlers. favorite. of all.
  • Greek Salad
  • tomato soup
  • Kashi Go Lean Crunch
  • only the marshmallows from Lucky Charms
  • dry Fruit Loops (I really like cereal)
  • homemade mashed potatoes
  • White pizza (preferably from bertuccis)
  • breadsticks, garlic bread, and actually any variety of bread.
  • mall pretzels
  • watermelon
  • fruit salad
  • the Navajo sandwich from Cheesecake Factory
  • McDonald's fries
  • chicken salad
  • Cool Ranch Doritos
hope I didn't bum anyone out too much with the beginning of this post/make anyone too hungry with my list.

listfully yours,
xoxo tess

Thursday, April 1, 2010

a list fueled by too much caffeine


I had enough coffee today to make me truly sick. I'm sitting in bed right now and my heart is quite literally pounding out of my chest. I don't really have anything worthwhile that I need to say, but just in case my heart explodes and I die tonight, I figured I better get down some last words, for the purposes of posterity, of course.
  • My obsession with Ben Gibbard is at an all time high right now. How the hell did he get to be so incredibly gifted? First of all he writes some of the most beautiful and clever song lyrics that I have ever heard, and he also has the most charmingly melancholic sort of voice, sad without veering too far into whiny territory. He is the frontman of two of my favorite music groups, Death Cab for Cutie and The Postal Service. And he's married to Zooey Deschanel... honestly, can you get anymore hipster-cool?
  • I need to drink less coffeee...
  • I had originally intended to do BEDA this month, but now I just can't get myself motivated. Sorry. (who am I apologizing too? Ugh.) So since I can't manage BEDA this month I've decided that I will follow Maureen Johnson's lead and do Blog Every Day in AUGUST! Yayayaayayayayy summer time bloggin'!
  • Speaking of summer, get hereee. I'm so thrilled at the prospect of summer right now. I don't even have any big demands for my perfect summer 2010. I just want to spend everyday reading outside on the deck, swimming with my sister, and going for long walks with my friends. The fact that I am going to need to work pretty constantly all summer is irrelevant at this point in time.
  • Actually that's a lie. I also wanna go to lots of concerts and go on beach trips and visit with my school friends A LOT. And write a lot. And watch good movies. And get a tan. And grow out my hair. And lose 20 lbs...
  • I'm really anxious to go home for Easter. I've been in a really angsty, overwhelmed, panic-y mode lately, and it's always somehow easier to deal with large amounts of stress within the confines of my own, familiar house. And with my mommy and kitten around to console me.
  • Also I prefer to be in Holyoke because I am rarely more than five minutes away from a 7/11.
  • I want to take acting lessons/classes. Not for any particular reason, I'd just like to. I used to take acting lessons when I was a younger and I loved it, and I think it could be cool to have that outlet in my life again.
  • I am not doing well in school. The "reasons why framingham is really not the place for you" list is growing. The discussions of not coming back next semester between my mummy and I are becoming more frequent. She's okay with me going to HCC next year and working and figuring my stuff out, if it's what I really want. But I don't know, I don't know, I don't know. Framingham just doesn't have what I'm looking for academically. I've felt really stifled and unhappy here a lot of the time, despite the fact that I have made some really amazing friends that I love so much and would miss tons if I didn't return to school here. It's still up in the air, but I think I know what I want to do.
  • Baseball season is almost here. Thank god.
  • I really want to meet a nice boy that will hang out at Barnes and Noble with me, sit through my Scorcese movie marathons, humor me when I break into show tunes at inopportune moments, and be respectful of my diet coke addiction. And you know, find me adorable and charming and date me and stuff.
  • I miss my bedroom. It's lovely and spacious and I'm excited to have all of my stuff back in one place this summer and not be living out of a bag in my own house like I essentially am when I go home for weekends.
I really am not feeling well at all, and I'm tired. Adios.

listfully yours,
xoxo Tess