Tuesday, August 17, 2010

a list of things i regret

I am going to post this today (Wednesday 8/18) and pretend it went up yesterday. Deal with it.
  • That time a few years ago when I thought that one song ("Omigod You Guys") was kinda cute and I was in a spend-y sort of mood so I downloaded the entire Legally Blonde Original Cast Recording. Big waste of 15-or-something-in-that-ballpark-dollars, and an even bigger assault on my eardrums the few times I attempted to give it a chance. Aside from the couple quippy, catchy, cutesy numbers, it is very, very bad.
  • Never really applying myself fully to anything, ever.
  • Not going on more of a shopping spree at Topshop when I was in London. The one time I show any sign of self control and it's when I really should have been throwing fiscal conservativeness to the wind in favor of dropping major dough on a whole new wardrobe of adorable clothing.
  • The overly-layered hair cut I got last winter that I am still grappling with in order to try and make my head presentable.
  • Thinking for my entire life that just because I love to read and write I wanted to be an English major. (It turns out I really, really don't.)
  • Having the tendency to put up a shell and become too shy and too quiet and too nervous and too afraid and not friendly enough. I regret this every day in a million different ways and with special reverence towards millions of different instances.
  • Specifically, being afraid.
  • Not getting to the city to see Lauren Graham in Guys and Dolls before it closed. I really wanted to get to that one.
  • All the time I have wasted being paralyzed by self hate.
  • I don't particurlarly regret any of what I did last year, even the things I am certainly not proud of, but I chock it all up to life experience. I only regret that the motivating factor for most of my most outrageous behaviors and decisions was the sadness inside of me and the desperation to pretend that sadness wasn't there.
  • Spending 12 dollars on those purple jeans from Forever 21 that I have never worn, and will never wear.
  • Choosing to be alone when maybe I would have been happier and better off if I had accepted a companion. Not that I don't love my independence and spending time on my own because I truly do.

listfully yours.
xo tess

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