Saturday, December 5, 2009

a list of inevitable occurances

these are things that inevitably occur every year when my family goes on our great Christmas tree excursion.

  • We borrow my grampy's truck and all jam into it. This was much more acceptable when my siblings and I were small and could be easily jammed in the tiny second row of the truck cab. Nowadays, an almost eighteen year old girl , a sixteen year old boy(who is 6'2" to top if it off!), and a twelve year old girl don't really fit so comfortably. There is a lot of squirming and complaining and my brother will without fail get elbowed by both my sister and I at least three or four times.
  • Lara wants to stop for food. Well, that happens whenever we leave the house...but still.
  • Dad blasts Roger Whittaker the entire time. Mom moans and groans and talks about how cold she is. Fiddles with the heat a bit. Complains some more.
  • We visit at least five different new farms that my dad has researched...before ending up at the same one that we have gotten our tree from for the last ten years. Fun.
  • We trapse around the entire farm for hours before every member of the family picks a tree that is "just perfect."
  • We study every single one of the favorite trees ad nauseum before everyone besides my little sister agrees on one.
  • The agreed upon tree is chosen. Lara will usually cry.
  • The main event occurs. Dad and Jack attempt to cut the tree down. Cue my dad yelling at my brother to hold the tree steady while he lays underneath it with the ax, and my mom and I yelling "TIIIIMBERRR!" obnoxiously.
  • I act as commentator as Dad and Jack carry the tree to the car. They glare at me.
  • We pile into the car, and Dad works on safely sercuring the giant Blue Spruce in the back of gramp's truck. There is a lot of shuffling and shaking. The car moves around a bit.
  • Dad always hurts himself in some way. He gets into the car aggravated and swearing, shaking out a sore hand or favoring a throbbing finger.
  • We stop for hot chocolates on the way home. The best part of this routine.
  • Everyone hurries inside while dad slams the tree around in the garage. Not sure what he does, to be perfectly honest.
  • Lara whines and mopes and complains the entire ride home.
  • The lights don't work correctly. Dad slams things around. We go about our business as usual while he works/throws a temper tantrum.
  • The ornaments are put on!! Christmas Boy (dad) allows the kids to do the decorating...and then goes back and moves the ornaments to where he thinks they should be "secretly".
  • My mom stays away from the decorating (and therefore the tension), usually by washing dishes or taking pictures from the doorway.
  • Any photographing of the tree usually dissolves into photoshoots of our cat. really.
  • Everytime one of us finds a silly, glitter and yarn covered ornament that we made in primary school we run it out to show Mom. Every single year.
  • There is a grand first lighting of the tree. Everyone cheers and puts on a really excited act.
  • Each member of the family hurries off to their far corner of the house, having had quite enough family time, thank you very much.
  • Everyone is glad it's over. Very glad.
  • Mom obsessively vaccuums the entire house to rid it of any stray pine needles.

Oh boy, gotta love holiday traditions!

listfully yours.

xo tess

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